


The Shadows Out of Time

by DaisyofGalaxy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Blackmail, Comfort/Angst, Domestic Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Gen, Sharing a House, Slow Burn, Survivor Guilt, Temporary Amnesia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-05-19 03:16:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5951755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyofGalaxy/pseuds/DaisyofGalaxy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s been a while since their meeting in the Diner and the Doctor lost completely his hope to ever see Clara again. Nonetheless, the Universe has different plans for them. When a bunch of bloodthirsty creatures old like the time itself is released by Time Lords to intimidate Clara, all animosities must be put aside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Chapter 1**

 

Out of all of the creatures under the sun, there were only two which the Doctor doubted he would ever meet. After an endless number of phone calls and attempts to attract their attention, he lost his hope to ever again meet the face he once saw in the diner.

But there she was, standing in the doorway with a combination of terror and relief in her eyes. If the situation was different, they would never have allowed this to happen – that’s what he was sure of. But fate was a strange thing and forced people to do things they would never voluntarily agree to.

He was in the middle of his late night guitar session when a distress signal appeared on the monitors. The message was short but inviting and contained a set coordinates for which he waited for so long. He had no trouble identifying who the sender was. After all, there were only two options when it came to a message generated by the TARDIS communicator, and he knew instantly that it wasn’t Missy who was disturbing him.

The numbers led him to a town in Brittany, France. He landed the TARDIS in the middle of something that resembled a main square. Tall townhouses with colourful shutters and flowers on window sills embosomed protectively a bronze statue of some local hero. The wind tasted like year Friday, May 11, 1984, 1:15 am, to be exact. A delicate fragrance of grass and flowers filled the air with sense of youth and new chances. Now he only needed to find the La Féline pub. The pub turned out to be an easy spot to find, located on the adjacent street to the main square alley. It was still open. A huge, gleaming neon sign above the entrance was an attraction for moths, which were fruitlessly trying to get closer to the source of light. He pulled a heavy glass door and entered the pub.

The interior didn’t match the architecture of the town at all. Dark wooden panels covered the floor and most of the walls. Furnishing had seen better days and consisted mainly of few round tables and red leather chairs. Inside, there were maybe ten people, including the crew. One person was passionately playing darts in the corner, but most of the guests seemed to have enough for tonight, silently begging to go home and get some rest in their clunky movements. And then he noticed her, sitting by a wooden bar table with a drink in her hand. It was Ashildr. He looked around, but apparently the other woman decided not to keep them company tonight.

***

“So how did you do that? How did you defeat them, Doctor?” He heard her asking for the third time in last five minutes.

He hadn’t deluded himself even for a second that the reason for their meeting might be any different, but it was still hard, listening to her speak to him when she was so crisply and coldly. After all, he was the one who lost most in that battle. He let them incarnate and torture him for her and never asked for anything in return. And now, when the only thing he wanted from her was an honest conversation, he was brutally denied. He didn’t blame her for cutting him loose; he knew deep down that he would do exactly the same. But still, he couldn’t forgive her that she didn’t even find a courage to face him. Instead, she sent that ignoramus to speak in her name. _Some manners would do you good, young lady_ , was on tip of his tongue but he never spoke the words.

“There’s that story – a rumour, to be exact, that you once encountered them. It’s very important. How did you make it alive?” she kept asking him tenaciously.

He didn’t answer her, nor did he bother looking at her. His attention was focused entirely on a straw inside his drink. He kept moving it in and out of the fluid in total silence. The situation in which Clara found herself was an unlucky one. Time Lords were unable to reach her in any conventional way, so they sent a herd of alien, mind-sensing spirits. However, their mission wasn’t to retrieve her, but to leave a bloody page in the history of every place Clara visited. Every time Clara left her TARDIS, her mind was immediately sensed by the hunter, which then ravaged and burned everything to embers. He wasn’t surprised by their vicious choice at all. They knew that if she was anything like him, the death of innocents would overwhelm her and eventually take her back to Gallifrey.

“It’s not a rumour and I haven’t just seen it once, but twice.” He finally told her with a smirk on his face. “It’s feasible. One must just know how.”

Since the problem was serious, he was willing to tell her everything he knew anyway. But the entire situation was also a great and maybe the only opportunity in the near future to finally meet Clara and find out what made him choose in the way he did, four billion times in row. Now he just needed to convince _Cerberus_ , who kept him away from her, that the best option they had is to collaborate.

“But the problem is, Ashildr, I’m not going to tell you. So either you’ll experience for yourself, or let me show you how.”

“You won’t see her. I will never let that happen.” She told him, but it was quite obvious in her voice that she was doubting her own words, too. “It’s not just me. She says so, too. You know why she’s not here?” She continued, “The two of you made a choice and she’s trying to follow through. You should do the same.”

He realised that further conversation is useless for now. It likely wasn’t even up to Ashildr to make decisions like that. After all, it was about him and the girl from the diner, and it was ultimately Clara who could give him a green light. The better idea was to call it a night and give the women some time to think about his proposition.

“Good luck with your little alien friend, then.”

He was about to pick himself up and leave when her tiny hand grabbed his wrist. “Maybe there’s something I can do about it.”


	2. Chapter 2

 

The Doctor still couldn’t believe his luck this evening. Right now, Ashildr was guiding him through the narrow streets of a sleepy town to a place when he will be finally able to see Clara. A labyrinth of colourful houses led them to a woods by the seaside.

The forest looked stunning this time of year. Tremendous trees were bathing in the moonlight. The only noise in the infinite silence was the sound of their own footsteps as they walked along a marvellous carpet made of lilies of the valley and violets.

And then he noticed it.

The Diner glowing in the darkness.

Since the neural block has also stolen his memories about the look of this particular TARDIS, he was more than glad to be able to see it once again. The interior was surprisingly minimalistic, taking into the account that it belonged to humans. He had visited many households belonging to that race, and modesty was never quite the right word to describe any of them. Hence the white, almost hospital-like design was suspicious at the least, particularly since two females lived there. After a moment of recce, he focused on the woman in front of him and the other one he yet had to convince about the rightness of his presence.

“We have a problem. You are willing to help us, and we’ll likely accept your offer. But that’s it. After the job is done, you’ll disappear.”

“Like fog on a mirror.” He answered Ashildr with a smirk on his face.

“So how do you want to break it up to her?” she asked him, visibly nervous “She’s going to be furious. I didn’t even have a chance to prepare her for such possibility.”

“She’ll be fine. There are more important things to worry about than her mood swings.” He gave her a dusty answer.

“What can be more important than her?”

“At the moment, many things.”

“You can’t play a saviour in front of her anymore, so why would you even care?” she told him coldly.

“And what was _that_ supposed to mean?”

“You erased every single memory of her and left her behind.”

“I had no other way. Besides, wasn’t that what you wanted? You called us the Hybrid, remember?”

“I wanted you to take her back where she belonged,” she hissed. “You sentenced that poor thing to eternal life. Stole her away from family and friends. And then you eloped like you always do.”

“It wasn’t me who eloped. That dematerialisation when we first met was really low, even for you.”

“Why is it so important, Doctor? Why do you want to meet her so badly?” she asked him, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he approached the console unit and started to play with the controls.

“I just need to talk to her. Ask her some questions,” he finally said.

“ _You_ weren’t there when we came to her flat to retrieve her things. _You_ weren’t the one who listened to her crying when she realised that she’s dead to the world. How egoistic one must be to demand anything from her after that, especially if he knows what will happen next?”

“And what _will_ happen?”

“Same as always. You’ll tame her, and then you’ll leave her again.”

“I’m not planning to stay long enough to tame anybody.”

Then he noticed a tiny posture standing in the doorway, utterly petrified by what she just saw. She was staring at them with her lips parted and eyes wide open.

He greeted her shyly with a genuine smile; she didn’t respond to his silent kindness and continued to gawk at him without even the faintest hit of politeness.

She didn’t resemble the girl he met in the Diner at all. Her posture seemed to be smaller and thinner. Once shiny eyes were now red from frequent crying.

After a moment of staring at each other in mute suspicion, she finally spoke.

“What’s going on? And what is _he_ doing here?”

“Clara, I’m sorry – but I had no other way,” The young Viking told her. “I checked the scans. They’re on Earth already.”

Clara slowly sat in the chair by the console unit and buried her face in her hands. After a moment, she cleared her throat and raised her head. “They were on Hadrian and Wetania as well. What difference does it make?”

“The difference is it doesn’t have to end like that.” The Doctor came closer to her and kneeled next to her seat.

“It won’t.” She told him firmly. “I have two options left. Stay forever in these walls where they can’t sense me, or come back where I’m supposed to be. I decided to postpone the Trap Street for travelling, but since the party’s over, I’m going back to Gallifrey tonight. If that’s what they want, they’ll get it.”

“No offence, but that’s the stupidest idea ever. Your survivor’s guilt won’t help any of these people,” the Doctor shot back.

Clara opened the TARDIS database and started to read aloud. “The ancient ghosts of Lua. _That’s how they call themselves. Lovely name for something so repulsive._ The ancient ghosts of Lua are spiritual creatures able to periodically dwell in living or decaying organisms – usually to gather energy needed for long-distance travels. Their ability to renew themselves via energy transfer ensured their position in military and communication for millennia. Nevertheless, the reports of accidents involving the race, mostly severe exhaustion of ecosystems, eventually resulted in the classification of these organisms as “dangerous”. Every individual identified should be immediately reported and sealed within Bodreutrium containing boxes by qualified personnel. Attempts of damage to the spirits are not recommended. Decrease in energetic state triggers absorption of available energy from life forms in the environment, which can have potentially fatal for the attacker.”

“I appreciate every day I’m given. But why should my life be more important than the lives of others?” Clara asked the Doctor, newfound tears glistening in her eyes. “Has she told you what they did to Excalibur? Entire space base slaughtered. Just because I happened to be there few days earlier.”

“Then you can add Earth to the list. Did you hear what _she_ just told _you_?” He continued, “Right now, they are somewhere on Earth, slowly sucking the life from everything that comes their way.”

“Yes, they are, but they’ll fly away. They won’t find anything interesting, and they will leave it alone.”

“They are space vampires. They don’t think. The problem is that sometimes they simply block and stay much longer in one place than they should. And they get hungry.”

“But they won’t track down anything. Not this time. I haven’t left the TARDIS even for a second.”

“Yes, you didn’t. But they still arrived. See, there is a sea of brains like yours on this planet that attracts them and will likely make them stay and hunt here.”

“They will leave.”

“Oh, I bet they will. Eventually. When every tree, human, and even the tiniest of birds on this planet won’t have any energy they can possibly suck off. If _you_ want to give up fine, but first think about every life you’re going to take down with you. Luas won’t disappear when you’re gone. Gallifrey doesn’t have any plan how to capture them. They’re going to stay here, maybe even forever. Just imagine what can happen one day when they’ll get exhausted. How long will it take till they’ll break the promise they made and blast first planet that comes their way?”

“Then what should we do? They won’t go away. You just keep repeating that, but what to do?”

“For now, just pull yourself together. Your guilt over what happened won’t help anybody.” He told her and approached the exit.

“Where are you going?”

“It’s almost three am. A bit too late for get-togethers. I’ll get in touch with you in the morning. Try not to burn this place to embers till then. I quite like this planet.”

The Doctor was very calm and patient this evening – the truth, however, was totally different. His feelings for Clara might have changed, but seeing her so hopeless and vulnerable made his heart break into pieces. They were the one who took her away from him in the first place. Sometimes, she haunted him in his dreams, standing on the Trap Street waiting for the Raven to attack. Even the neural block wasn’t able to take away the pain this view caused it seemed. Whatever she, or rather, he did later was ungraceful, and he hasn’t denied it even for a moment – but the punishment Time Lords sent on her just to force her to come back was, without a shadow of doubt, incommensurable. Her only fault in it all was that it took her a while to notice what was happening. Of course Clara could surrender just as Time Lords wanted, but it wouldn’t do any good, except for making her conscience clear. The real crime in his eyes was what his people did, and they did it on purpose. Since Gallifrey was willing to keep its status quo, they wouldn’t even try to seal Luas after their mission is done. Instead the creatures would wander pointlessly in space getting hungrier and hungrier. They seemed to stick to their quest so far, but no one could predict what would happen after Clara’s trace was lost. Would they starve or start to attack innocent planets in an ungraceful lust for blood? The huge risk of collateral damage however seemed to be meaningless for Time Lords. The only merit that had any value for them was if Clara’s back.

He wanted to explain to her and make her understand that it was never her fault, but he knew that she would never believe him. Her susceptibilities and care for others would never allow her to. The only thing he could do was to make sure that the vicious crime will end and he decided to start it tonight.

First of all, he needed to call UNIT.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, Clara and Ashildr found themselves on the pursuit to find an address written on a small piece of paper. Earlier that day, an unexpected guest in the form of a boy interrupted their breakfast and gave them the aforementioned note with an instruction to meet the Doctor there at noon. Since they arrived recently, their knowledge of the spatial organisation of the town was rather poor. To make things even worse, not one passerby asked was able to give them any proper directions.

Luckily, a person advised them to ask Charlotte, the oldest inhabitant of the town. The name the elder provided with didn’t ring a bell at first, but after a moment, it brought back a memory of a mystery farmhouse her dad always advised her to avoid during their picnics when she was a child. The farm was supposed to be located about one mile south of the wood where their TARDIS was parked. However, just as her father told her, Charlotte forewarned the women about the bad fame the place had. According to local legends, the family who lived on the farm abandoned it one night and was never seen again. Other stories she told them claimed that the country house and surrounding grounds were haunted by an apparition of black horse which was supposed to leave a burned marks on the grass with its fiery horseshoes. Clara didn’t believe in any dark forces, but her travels with the Doctor taught her that the world is full of things human will never understand.

The way to the farm turned out to be not the easiest one. They got lost twice and reached their destination horribly late. The house looked better than Clara was expecting it to. The entire frontal elevation was covered with a purple wisteria. The windows and doors seemed to be in a relatively good condition taking into the account that the building wasn’t occupied by anyone.

Ashildr loudly knocked on the main doors and they both went inside. The doors led to a kitchen which surprisingly seemed to be fully operational. They spotted the Doctor sitting by a huge wooden kitchen island and drinking his coffee. Clara looked around, quite impressed and surprised by the interior of the house. Rows of light wooden cupboards and shelves were decorating every wall. Other equipment included a cooker, a chalk coal burner, a massive stone sink by the window and large amount of different copper pots hanging from the ceiling.

“You’re late,” he told them and took another sip of the hot fluid.

“Well, the address you chose turned out to be a needle in a haystack.” Clara answered him, annoyed by his accusations.

“Don’t worry – it’ll be easier to find next time.”

“Next time?” she asked.

“Yes, next time. We need to stay here for a little bit longer if we want to capture them. And since your thoughts are what attracts them, we need to make sure they’ll sense them. Other places are too crowded. Too much noise and too many brains similar to yours.” He kept explaining while investigating the surroundings “Besides this one belongs to the UNIT, so full privacy is included.”

“Who’s saying anything about capturing them?” Ashildr asked him, already irritated by his plan.

“That’s because they cannot be defeated. Damage only triggers drainage of energy from available sources. One cannot survive if wounds make his opponents only stronger. On Gallifrey, we used to close them in containers made from Bodreutrium. A metal from Tesmil, the planetoid where they first found on. But since the only boxes are on Gallifrey, we have to improvise.”

“How so?” Clara kept asking him.

“My suggestion is to bring them here and slightly break. Being a time traveller at the end of time has one significant flaw. You can’t say how much time passed. So if we’re lucky, they are never going to find out that their pets were destroyed and send new ones.”

“How?”

“I’ll prepare a dynamic particle buffer.”

“And how is that supposed to help us?” Clara asked, visibly confused with his technobabble.

“DPB is a potent source of energy, an infinite one if one knows how to prepare it correctly. More importantly, it forces uncontrolled migration of particles when an object with a lower energy level is in close distance. If they’ll come closer to the source of DPB they’ll burn.”

“And how do you want to make them come closer?”

“Physical contact isn’t that important as long as the distance is less than 5 miles.”

“Thank you.” The Doctor said with a smile on his face, “Now with everyone is on the same page, can we please discuss the details?”

“Yes,” Clara told him. “Is there another way to get rid of them that _doesn’t_ involve putting the entire planet in danger?”

“The risk of destruction is minimal that way,” the Doctor continued. “Besides, they’re already here, so you risk more leaving things how they are.”

“But why are you so sure they will come here if they sensed me elsewhere?”

“They don’t think – they respond to the changes in the structure of time and space. Basically, they are always were the signal is stronger, and your brainwaves have higher priority than anything else. Besides, they won’t do any harm here since the message they received from my people is to _destroy once you left_. As long as you’re here in 1984, the Earth is safe.”

“…I don’t have any more questions. Ashildr?”

“It seems to be the most reasonable solution if you ask me,” Ashildr told her. “But are you ready to live in the same house for some time?”

“I’ll take the attic and not leave it without your permission.” The Doctor stated with a smile on his face.

“Why would you like to live in the attic?” Clara asked, bewildered. “And no, I don’t mind being under the same roof with you. As long as we stick to the rules, everything should be fine.”

“It _will_ be fine.” Ashildr reminded her. “I like the idea with the attic.”

“It’s set, then.” He put the hand in his pocket and brought out a pair of keys. “Here. They are yours to keep.” He handed the keys to Ashildr, who was standing closer to him. “I have some business to take care of in the TARDIS first. Take your time and bring everything you need from yours. Unfortunately, we cannot leave any of the ships nearby, since they would derange the signal.  It’ll be…domestic for the next few days.”

 Clara had to admit that she fell in love with the house and the farm instantly. It was hard to believe that people from the town had no idea about the existence of this place. The property was huge. It included the country house with five bedrooms, all en-suite with fantastic views for the bay. A swimming pool with Jacuzzi and sauna, and a piece of beautiful forest before the house. There was also a wooden horse-barn, but unfortunately without any animals inside. 

After few hours of dragging her belongings thorough the forest, Clara finally went upstairs to the room that was supposed to be hers for some time. The bedroom wasn’t big, but was definitely cosy. The walls were hidden behind flowery pastel wallpaper. The majority of space was taken by a huge bed covered with plenty of crème and white pillows. White wooden wardrobe and matching desk were squashed in the corners of the room. She laid her luggage on the bed and opened it to retrieve some of her personal belongings. There wasn’t much in it. Some fresh clothing and underwear, a wash bag and her favourite books. That’s when she realised that she left her diary in the TARDIS.

The first thing Ashildr warned her after she became technically immortal was the loss of memory that likely will affect also Clara. Ever since, she had tried to write down as much as she could remember both from her present and previous life. Since the diary contained some details about which she would never want the Doctor to find about, she was particularly careful about location of it these days. The chances he would find it were minimal as he didn’t have an access to their TARDIS, but she still felt better knowing that it was hidden in a safe place.

She went downstairs and started to look for Ashildr, hopeful that the woman would agree for another trip to their TARDIS tonight. Nonetheless, her companion was nowhere to be found. Instead, she found the Doctor sitting in an armchair on the porch reading a book.

“Hi.” She greeted him politely. “Have you seen Ashildr?”

“Oh, yes. The short one went to bed.”

Her nervous movements made it easy to guess that there was something bothering her.

“Is everything alright?” he asked her.

“Yes, everything is perfect. Well, there is one thing, but it’s really stupid.” She told him, almost whispering.

“You can keep it to yourself, then.” He continued reading.

“I forgot something very important from my TARDIS. And I don’t want to go alone.”

“Can’t Ashildr go with you?”

“She’s asleep.”

“That sleepy business is really annoying, isn’t it?”

“It is.” Clara paused. When the Doctor wouldn’t look up from his book, Clara let her hands swing awkwardly at her sides. “Anyways, it can wait till tomorrow.” She slowly started to head back to the house when she heard him calling her name.

“Clara. If it is important to you, we can go there now. I’ve spent almost entire day reading this book. A little walk would do me good.”


	4. Chapter 4

Clara opened the doors to the diner and invited the Doctor inside. He pretended to be busy with his screwdriver and didn’t bother to look at her even for a moment. Frankly, she was grateful he was silent. She wasn’t certain of how to speak to him in the first place.

It all was quite awkward, being in the same room with him. The person in front of her might’ve looked like someone who knew her best, although he felt like total stranger.

“Calibrating the screwdriver, eh?” She asked him merrily, but there was a waver in her voice.

“Yeah, calibrating.” He smiled at her politely.

She smiled back and approached him, but only a few steps, afraid to encroach on his personal space.

“Do you have any new settings?” She asked with genuine interest in her voice.

The Doctor, however, didn’t give her a similar level of attention. His eyes left hers and refocused on the device in his hands.

“No, not really.” He mumbled.

“Okay.” She whispered quietly, a bit disappointed with the quick loss of contact between them.

After a moment of an uneasy silence, he burst out laughing.

”Sorry, but it’s just so,” He chuckled. “I imagined _this_ moment for so long, but I don’t know what to say. And I had everything planned. Believe me, I really _did_.”

His confession gave her mixed feelings.

Clara remembered that there were reasons beyond their control that forced them to part the way they had. Starting from scratch would not change any of it, but only break their hearts all over again.

On the other hand, a part of her was hoping that it wasn’t over yet. That side of her was proud of the Doctor and his love for her, and claimed to be the guardian of the memory of him. The memory of the man whose love was too big to live on.

“And how did you imagine _it_? “She questioned him with a gleam in her eye.

He was thought about it for a moment, then a shy smirk appeared on his face.

“I’ve always dreamed that we would have some tea and cake.”

“Cake?” Now it was her turn to giggle.

“Or a soufflé.” He was laughing with her. “I don’t know why, but it’s the first thing that comes to mind.”

“Well, we don’t have much time, but I have some Earl Grey in my kitchen cupboard. Wanna give it a try?” Clara suggested. The Doctor smiled and nodded.

“That would be great.”

He sat comfortably on one of the stools while she retrieved two porcelain cups from one of the cupboards and started to prepare beverages behind the bar.

“Usually we don’t use it.” She was entertaining him while her hands were busy with the coffee maker.

“There is another kitchen inside the Tardis. Likely more than one if you look for them, but we have one that is _our_ kitchen. However, this one has a coffee maker, which is really good. So maybe we’ll make an exception today.”

“It would work for a coffee, but will it make the tea any better?”

“Probably not.” She gave him her best smile as she passed him a mug with the steaming tea inside. His large hand wrapped around the mug as he took a deep breathe in, inhaling the scent of the tea she had prepared for him. His other hand snuck over to the sugar cubes and placed a few inside his cup as well.

“Although, we can compare it with the options I have in _my_ kitchen if you want to.” Clara said.

“Maybe some other time. Of course, if Ashildr doesn’t install security cameras.”

“Why are you so stuck on _her_?”

“Do I really have to explain? For example, she _captured_ me and _killed_ you.”

Clara sighed and looked into her tea.

“They blackmailed her.”

A hearty scoff left his mouth as she said that. He straightened from his slouching position, looking like a miffed cat as he glared at her.

“And they blackmailed you. But somehow I haven’t seen you setting traps on others.” The Doctor snorted.

The levity left her face at the sound of his words. She kept her eyes down, not brave enough to face him.

“Instead, I kill everything I touch.” She whispered under her breath. Some of the recent events still felt like a bad dream to Clara.  Just a month ago everything was perfectly fine. She and Ashildr were simply travelling and having the time of their lives. The image of Wetania, the first planet ravaged by the ancient spirits of Lua was before her eyes each time she closed them.

“Tell me something about your travelling.” He asked after taking a long swig from his mug.

“Sorry?” She questioned him, totally distracted.

“Have you seen anything interesting?”

“Yes, sorry. I did, sort of.” She said in humiliation. “I’ve finally seen the Waterfalls of Rucrara.”

“Why would you go there?” He joked and pretended agitation. “I’ve never seen anything so underwhelming.”

“Actually, I’ve read some pretty good reviews.”

“Written by whom? Because I doubt anybody sane would’ve said something nice about them. A tacky attraction for the brainless masses.”

“But you still went.” She teased him. He rose his glass to her slightly.

“I still went.”

His comment made them both titter again.

After a moment, Clara went silent and a serious expression appeared on her face. She seemed to enjoy their conversation, but it was quite obvious by the way she looked at him that her thoughts were drifting away towards something that wasn’t as inconsequential as the quality of the tea they were drinking or places they’ve been to recently.

“Can I ask you a question, Doctor?” She whispered, as if what she was about to ask him was a crime.

“Sure! Today is all about questions.”

“You knew that I was a bad influence on you, but you still wanted to see me. Despite the bad things that happened to you because of me, you didn’t let it go. Why?”

“Maybe I just like mysteries.”

“You’re such a terrible liar.” She chuckled. “I have a proposition. You’re going to answer honestly and in exchange I’ll tell you something you want to know about me. Doesn’t matter how confidential.”

“It’s stupid, but fine.”

“It’s not stupid at all. Can I ask you first?”

“I guess so. I wanted to know what you are like.” He told her tenderly with a bit of embarrassment in his voice.

“Everyone I met after the neural block kept saying how brilliant _you_ were, how kind and good-hearted. I haven’t heard a bad word about _you_ or about our _friendship_. For some time I doubted you exist.” He laughed, but then a sad expression covered his face

“But then I started to feel that maybe they were feeling sorry for me. That my not remembering you was a curse.”

“It’s not a curse, it’s a responsible choice.” She interrupted him.

He looked at her and gave her a sad smile.

“Alas, I’m not so sure anymore. Maybe at first it was. Since you threw away the device, I’ll never be able to remember _you_ again.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The neural block breaks synapses between neurons. Another electrocution would likely reverse the effect.”

“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I swear I’d kept it if I’d known.” She apologized.

“No worries.” He comforted her. “It was pointless anyway. Is there anything you particularly miss since you were extracted?”

“Dreams.” She said without hesitation. “I still can become unconscious if I want to, but I can’t dream anymore. Dreams were amazing. They make you forget about the wrong stuff for some time. You can do impossible things, or see people that are already gone. Not being able to sleep is a nightmare. _Believe_ me.”

“Sorry to hear that.” The Doctor gave her a kind smile.

“I was always curious of how the life of someone extracted would look like. We were talking quite a lot about it in school. One of the most advanced technologies, etc. But, how are you dealing with it? You know, on an everyday basis?”

“Every cloud has a silver lining. I don’t have to eat or sleep, nor can I. My metabolism basically isn’t working anymore, so I had to restrict my eating habits a little.”

“But you drank entire cup of tea?”

“Yeah, about that.” She giggled.

“What’s going to happen next?” He asked her intrigued. “Your body won’t digest it. So, what’s going to happen with it?”

She nervously shook her head in embarrassment.

“I won’t say anything more. Let a girl keep her secrets. Besides, it’s not the best topic to talk about during evening tea.”

He took the last sip of the tea and got up from his seat. “Excuse me for changing the subject. I need to get to somewhere. Could I use your Tardis since we’re here already?”

“Deal, but you’ll take me with you.”

“There are creatures after you, remember?”

“Is the place you’re going in future?”

“Yes.”

“They can’t travel in time, so our being there won’t change a thing as long as they’re defeated on Earth.”

“You’ll only get bored.” He moaned.

“I don’t think so.” She teased him. “Besides, how can I know that you’re planning to give it back?”

“You can always take mine if I don’t show up.”

Clara opened the doors to the console room and leant on them in an inviting gesture.

“Still not convinced. Sink or swim.” She asked playfully.

“Fine.” The Doctor groaned in response and followed her inside.

She was standing next to him and watched him setting the coordinates. Once the rotor of the machine started to move, he turned around and gave her the stink eye.

“Has anyone already mentioned how annoying you are?”

“You have no idea how often.”

 

They landed in an unknown, gray and sandy desert. The Doctor, however, seemed to be perfectly aware where he was and took the lead. Clara followed him in silence for miles before the first buildings of the nameless city arose before their eyes. The sandstone edifices seemed to be forgotten by time itself. They stood miserably among heavy dunes as the tears of sorrow streamed down from holes where the windows once used to be.

The memorial of the lost fight between man and nature terrified and astonished Clara at the same time. She fruitlessly looked for a sign of any life forms, but her eyes didn’t come across anything.

Her attention focused once again on the man in front of her, lost in his thoughts since they had left her Tardis. She didn’t feel like talking either, but an explanation was necessary.

“Doctor?” She asked him firmly. “Why have you brought us here?”

“I’ll tell you later.” He answered her, still preoccupied with the compass in his hands. “Now we need to find the Lion.”

“What lion? And you still didn’t explain to me what that thing in your hand is.”

“It’s a compass, Clara. I think you have similar contraptions on Earth. Although this one is a little bit advanced.” He said as if she were a mere child.

“Why do you need it? Are we looking for something?”

“We don’t have time for that.” He hissed, irritated with her sudden questions. His thin fingers were rotating the device.

“No, Doctor.” She stated firmly. “You’re going to tell me why you made me walk for miles or I won’t move an inch from where I’m standing now.”

He stopped and stared at her questioningly.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He dismissed her after a moment. “You wouldn’t be able to survive in the middle of desert for long.”

“The heat doesn’t bother me.” She told him proudly. “See, I acquired some very useful traits.”

“Sorry, I forgot you’re invincible.” He pretended to be offended. ”Although it doesn’t change a thing. You would get bored after five minutes without the other chatterbox. What was her name?”

“No, I wouldn’t.” She rebutted and sped up a little to outrun him.

“I think you overestimate yourself. Maybe not five minutes, but after an hour…” He kept beating the air as he argued with her. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to be there.”

“You’re so wrong here.” She turned around and smiled at him. “And for the record it’s called interpersonal skills.”

Unbeknownst to the arguing pair, they had reached the city and were now walking down the streets that had been buried under thick layers of gray sand. Clara appreciated the facilities in front of her. They looked majestic from the distance, but seeing them up close and personal made her treasure them even more. They definitely didn’t look like any of the architecture styles she had seen recently. There was something truly humbling and captivating in their robustness.

And then she noticed a huge flowery mosaic on one of the walls. One she would never forget about. The day she had first seen was one of the worst days in her entire life.

She and Ashildr were having a casual Sunday picnic. This time it was Clara’s turn to pick the destination. She was wanting to visit someplace beautiful and serene, so she decided on Anima Persis, also known as Wetania: a planet with a population of around 100,000 localised on the most external arm of Triangulum Galaxy.

The afternoon had passed peacefully and they came back to their Tardis shortly after the pink sun disappeared behind the horizon. Clara had just changed into more comfortable clothes and joined the other woman in the console room, when they both got very appalling news. It was the first time the Luas had attacked.

Their thirst for blood cost the life of every man, animal, and plant on this planet. A planet once bursting with life with orchards and forests that were changed into a bare and haunted desert. The mosaic that once decorated the wall of the school was now a painful reminder that everything has its price.

To make things even worse, the Universe never learnt about what really happened here. According to every book she ever found, the place was destroyed by Talichre. Hardly anyone knew that beneath the flesh of the invaders hid something creepier.

Clara came closer to the mosaic and laid her hand on it, unable to hold in her tears any longer. She knew exactly what happened, but it was the first time she had seen a palatable evidence of _their_ wicked actions.

“Oh, this is fantastic.” She heard the Doctor saying as he bounced between the dunes.

“What is fantastic?”

“Not the right word, sorry. We’re stepping on the ashes. ”

He crouched down and took a handful of dust from the ground.

“You may not believe it, but no one decided to cover this planet with sand one day. It’s all remnants. Not enough to run genetic tests, but enough to keep it on the shelf above the fireplace.”

“You’re amused.” She accused him.

“No, not amused. Wrong word again.”

“You walk among the ashes of innocent people who died in a battle that wasn’t even theirs to fight, and you’re having a great time.”

“I’m trying not to get super emotional.” He told her as he put some of the powder in a plastic bag.

“It’s something you should get super emotional about, Doctor. You know what…” She told him bluntly as she sat on the stone stairs leading to one of the buildings. “You’re going to finish whatever you’re doing and I’ll stay here.”

Clara didn’t speak a word more, but observed his movements in uneasy silence.

 

They didn’t speak on their way back to her Tardis. She was aware that expecting the Doctor to behave like one of her kind was wishful thinking.

On any other occasion, she would’ve been ecstatic with his enthusiasm and positive attitude towards her. Ever since they moved into the farm, he hadn’t given her a single reason to dislike him.

What he did today, however, caught her off guard. He took her to a place that reminded her about her most recent and painful memories, and then was disrespectful not only towards her, but also the people who had lost their lives that day when the Luas attacked. And worst of all was that he didn’t seem to know that he had disappointed her.

Once they entered the machine, she immediately asked him to bring them back to Ashildr. It didn’t take long and they were back in Brittany, exactly in the same place they left from, the Doctor noted proudly.

He approached the exit and turned around to look at her, when he realised that she wasn’t following him. His questioning eyes were fixed on hers.

“Is everything alright?” The Time Lord asked her. “You were suspiciously quiet during our entire way back.”

Clara put her both hands on her hips and gave him an icy stare.

“I guess I was.”

“Was there a particular reason?” He asked her with an apologetic smile on his face.

“Your jokes on Anima Persis. They were not appropriate.” The Doctor’s face turned serious.

“I wasn’t joking.”

“I heard you!” She screamed at him. Clara pulled herself together after a moment and continued calmly.  “It wasn’t Talichre, but me who killed all those creatures. The worst is that it happened just because I’m alive. And you treat them like lab rats in front of me.”

The Doctor stared at her utterly disoriented with his hands hanging limply from both sides of his torso.  

“I’m sorry.”

“Can I have a minute to myself?” She asked him tired of explaining. He nodded in understanding and left the Tardis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my story. 
> 
> Anima Persis is a world featured in an BBC audio called Death Comes to Time. The planet was turned into a wasteland when an alien invader attacked it. Talichre, the species that ravaged Anima Persis then came to Earth with exactly the same intentions in late 20 century.


	5. Chapter 5

The Doctor entered the manor hopeful to meet Clara there, but she was nowhere to be found. He took off his shoes and sank heavily onto the blue cotton couch in the living room. He turned on the TV in hopes to distract himself from a sudden onrush of emotions.

He was angry with himself for being a chump and not realizing in time that taking Clara to Wetania was probably the worst idea he could've possibly come up with. It was his only chance to get to know her better, and thanks to his abstractness, he turned her off as soon as the first tricky questions arose.

Now, he could only wait for Ashildr to find out about everything that happened that evening. Giving that woman reasons to accuse him of letting either her or Clara down was the last thing he wanted. But, unsurprisingly, he ended up providing her with more evidence to prove her right.

There was officially nothing on television at midnight, he soon realised. Out of the hundreds of TV channels the supplier provided them with, nothing was able to interest or entertain him for even a moment. Dozens of stupid cartoons, cooking programmes and telesales were all that were on.

He turned off the machine and laid down on the sofa, still a bit disenchanted with his performance that evening. He hadn't planned to fall asleep, but his eyes immediately closed under the weight of everything that happened that day, and soon his mind started to drift away.

It was dawn when the wailing of a seagull disturbed his napping. The Doctor lifted himself up to a seated position and looked around the room, now sinking in the grey afterglow of a brand new day, but he couldn't see any signs of Clara.

_Good job, Doc!_ He told himself sarcastically as he got up from the sofa and approached the glass doors leading to the patio, although there wasn't much to see. The sea behind the house was barely visible because of the thick fog. The only attraction was a young gull sitting on the wrought white table. Its golden eyes were fixed on him as she inspected his movements with interest.

And then he heard the metallic sound of a key pivoting the mechanism of the door lock. He heard Clara's footsteps first in the kitchen and then in the hall. He followed her silently, hoping to catch her before she disappeared on the stairs. She was sitting on the bench by the stairs when finally reached her.

"Hi" He greeted her shyly. "Can we talk?"

"I've had enough for today, Doctor." She gave him a short shrift as she took off her bag and jacket.

"Please." He whispered imploringly. "Only few minutes." His miserable plea and tired face made her back down.

"Okay, but we have to be quiet." She whispered under her breath.

He followed her to the living room in total silence, still not sure what to tell her or how to speak to her in the first place. Communication with human beings was his biggest blind spot ever since his last regeneration. If she was a total stranger, he wouldn't care what she thought about him and he would've kindly advised her to get lost or accept him. But this was _Clara_ he was talking about.

She sat stiffly on the huge sofa and gestured for him to do the same.

"What did you want to talk about?" She asked him coldly, not meeting his gaze.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

"I heard that much already, Doctor."

The Doctor leaned back on the couch and rubbed his eyes with his hands. _Why does it always have to be so hard?_ He heard a tiny voice in his head saying.

"But you're still mad at me." He moaned.

She turned around and looked at him.

"I'm not mad at you." She explained to him reassuringly. "I know you better than that and I know it's not your fault. But what happened today hurt me, and it's gonna take a while before I can compose myself. Pushing me to pretend it didn't happen won't help." She warned.

"You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself." He said sadly. "I might've seemed to enjoy it but it's not the truth. I was only happy cause I realised I was wrong."

"How so?" She asked, leaning towards him a bit.

"I was afraid that they released all nine spirits. The size of Wetania and the damage they caused had suggested so. But I scanned the ashes from the planet, and they all have signatures of only four different individuals. They burned the entire planet to ashes simply, because they had plenty of time. I checked the other places as well. Always the same four signatures."

"That's interesting." She acknowledged him and seemed to be listening to his statements.

It was quite amazing how little it takes to make somebody sad and how much effort one must put into rebuilding the happiness they destroyed. He didn't even lift a finger and it was still enough to make her properly angry, while his clever conclusion and hours of fieldwork were described with an average and meaningless _interesting_.

"It's very important Clara. Potentially vital for our survival." He pointed out.

"You should've told me that straight away." She defended.

"I tried, but you ran away." The Doctor argued.

"Fair point." Clara followed his actions and rested her head on a backrest of the sofa as well. She moved slightly, so she could face him and gave him a friendly smile.

"So what were you doing when I locked myself in my room?" She asked.

"I might've been in a few places. Collecting data, analyzing it."

"In the same way as on Wetania?" He turned around a little bit and looked her straight in the eye. This time, he wasn't met with a disappointment and aversion. Instead, he saw a genuine warmness and admiration in her eyes. She kept biting her lower lip and nervously shook her head, surprised and flurried with the unexpected closeness between them.

"Pretty much." He said casually, pretending he didn't yearn for her acknowledgement.

"So you needed to scan plenty of grains." She whispered with an appreciation in her voice.

"Not the most compelling activity if you think about it." Before he could say anything more her hands were around his neck and she clung to him.

"Thank you." She breathed into his chest. "Thank you for being here." He wasn't sure how to respond to her affection at first. Frankly, he couldn't even recall the last time when somebody had touched, let alone held him. However, his hands appeared to still remember the right moves. His arms slowly folded around her waist, softly rubbing her back.

She immediately took his invitation and rested her forehead on his collarbone. Her hot breath was tickling his chest as he cradled her, but he didn't mind at all. Suddenly his aversion for physical contact was gone. All he wanted to do now was to breathe in the sweet scent of the body he held in his arms, so close to his own. A combination of almonds and gingerbread filled his lungs, and for now it seemed to be the most beautiful smell in the world.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 

It was almost ten am when Ashildr finally woke up. Being the only actively sleeping person in the group had its flaws, but she decided not to mind any of it. She leisurely got up from the bed and headed to the bathroom to take a long bath. 

For some time, living on Earth seemed to be boring to her. Nevertheless, she tried to enjoy the luxurious and comfortable aspects of her new surroundings. After all, the porcelain bathtub in which she was just about to sink was much better than stark shower rooms in the Tardis. 

She turned on the water and started to unbutton her nightgown. When the tub was half full, she turned off the tap and slowly dipped her limbs in the hot water that smelled like lavender. 

After the bath, her stomach started to demand food.  She put on her clothes and decided to go downstairs to prepare herself some breakfast. 

Unsurprisingly, both the Doctor and Clara were already there, cooking crepes. 

They weren’t exactly alone. There was a young golden retriever sitting next to the Doctor. It wasn’t a puppy anymore, but its short fur gave away that the animal couldn’t be older than one maybe two years. Its eyes were investigating the Doctor’s every movement, hopeful to get some of the delicacies. 

“Oh, give him some!” She heard Clara saying. “Poor guy, gave you his paw like ten times already. Show some kindness.”

“He’s not ours and we don’t know if the owners wish to feed him human food.”

“Blame it on me, then. Gully wants a pancake, right?” She was asking the dog lovingly as she stroked his neck.

They were sitting by the kitchen island, talking and enjoying each other’s company a little too much for Ashildr’s liking.

It was only a day, but she could already see a difference in Clara’s behaviour around him. Her initial suspicions and distance towards him seemed to have vanished completely. Right now, there was something in Clara’s eyes that reminded one of an emotion only seen in the eyes of small children unwrapping their presents on Christmas morning;, and she couldn’t say she liked it. In fact, she felt a bit revolted while watching them mingling and cooing at each other after everything they went through. 

She longed to tell her friend what she thought about it all, but she also knew that it was none of her business. The Doctor would leave, that’s what she knew for sure. But it was Clara’s choice to be debonair and let him get closer to her, and ultimately it was she who would pay for her moments of obliviousness.

“Hello, sleepy head!” The Doctor greeted her, full of the joys of spring. 

“Fancy a pancake? We made thousands of them.” He jauntily pointed out a pile of cakes on the plate in front of him. 

“They’re really good.” Clara assured her while she was finishing one topped with a whipped cream and pieces of fresh strawberries.

“I told you.” The Doctor teased her. “She doubted in my culinary skills and wanted to buy some croissants on our way back.”

“So you were out?” 

“Yes, a tiny walk at the dawning of the day.” He answered her as he put another cake on the plate Clara passed him. “Then we found this little fellow knocking around.”

“Ashildr, you should definitely join us next time.” Clara said in excitement. “The forest and entire neighbourhood are just spectacular this time of year.”

“Where have the two of you been then?” She asked her companion.

“He showed me the ocean.”

_Great_! _Romantic sunrise_ _and cooking!_ Ashildr thought. _Really won’t miss any opportunity will you, Doctor?_

“By the way,- Clara knows already, but you should be informed as well,- a friend of mine will join as for dinner tonight.  Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart from UNIT. I think you’ve heard about him before. “

“I heard the name, but I’ve never had a chance to meet him in person.”

“Good then.” The Doctor answered while he toppled a crepe on a flat circular plate.

“UNIT’s aware that Luas are here and wanted to ask us some questions, get to know our plan and why we need this house for some time.”

  
  


That evening Ashildr was particularly nervous and agitated. She met a lot of people along her way all these years, nonetheless being in the company of strangers was still hard for her. She checked the clock on the wall, it was almost eight pm. The Brigadier could be any minute here, she thought. She once again headed to the guest bathroom to check her make-up and clothing. Everything looked perfect. 

Their guest was already sitting in the living room when she left the rest room. 

The Brigadier turned out to be the nicest and the most inspiring person she happened to meet in quite a long time. His kindness and manners captivated her completely. The best part of the evening was when he showed them the pictures of his children. A boy, ten years old according to his father, and a little bit older girl who seemed to be the apple of his eye. 

Before long, the dinner was ready to be served in the dining room.

“Delicious meal.” The guest  complimented the duck with cherries and red wine he just finished.

“You should thank Ashildr.” Said Clara. “It was all her. I just peeled the vegetables.”

“Oh, thank you.” Ashildr answered him a bit humiliated by his kindness. “Nothing special.”

“Although, likely very time-consuming” He continued. “Hence the effort should be highlighted.”

After the satisfying dinner, they all moved from the dining room to the adjoining living room. The Brig sat in the armchair and so did Ashildr, while both Clara and the Doctor occupied the couch on the opposite side of the room. The atmosphere of the scene started to resemble an interrogation a little.

“So The Ancient Spirits of Lua, what are they?” The man asked.

“They are spiritual life forms as old as the Universe itself. They are able to steal energy from other organisms or dwell in them for different reasons. We know they’re on Earth since scans showed that, but there has been no trace of them ever since. So, they can be basically everywhere now.” The Doctor told him.

“Sound’s dangerous.” The Brig lit a cigarette and passed the silver cigarette box in the Doctor’s direction. “Do you know what to do?”

The Doctor took one of the cigarettes and kept it in his hand, confused what should he do with the item next.

“We do.” He answer the other man. “But we need you to trust us completely on that. No activity behind our backs whatsoever.”

“I would never dare, Doctor.”

“I know you wouldn’t, but there are people who may and that’s why I need your help.”

“How can I help you?” 

“You need to convince others that it’s the best way. Otherwise, there might be no tomorrow for the Earth. These creatures can suck the energy from others when they are hurt. Imagine what may happen if one of those pudding brains decides to play a hero.”

“I’ll do my best to make sure they’re aware of that.”

“Thank you.” The Doctor nodded.

The Brigadier got up from his seat. “If you excuse me, I promised my children to kiss them goodnight.” 

The Doctor and Clara rose from the sofa as well to bid him farewell. 

“Thank you.” The Doctor said as he shook the other man’s hand. 

“Thank you for everything.” Clara followed him shyly. 

The Brig approached the doors and turned around once again to look at them. “Is there anything else I can do, Doctor?” He asked him.

“Yes.” The Doctor gave him a sad smile. “Don’t trust your own people if you can.”


	7. Chapter 7

The Doctor was washing his face in the bathroom when he heard a quiet knock on the door. A smile appeared on his face in response to the noise. It must have been Clara.

Ever since their first day in the house, they spent every night together. It wasn’t anything they officially agreed to or planned. But, nevertheless, somehow each coming evening, after Ashildr already went to bed, one of them found him or herself seeking for the other.

Most of the time, their late night meetings were anything but special. They were simply watching movies or reading in the same room. Sometimes, they went on a walk and casually spent entire nights talking about any subjects they wished or played in one of the board games UNIT kept in the house. No matter how boring and unrewarding it sounded, the Doctor never regretted any of it. In fact, on a few occasions over the last days he caught himself waiting for the night to finally come. There was something in that woman he couldn’t define yet made him long for her like a moth to the flame.

He hurriedly left the bathroom and opened the bedroom doors for her. The picture he saw through the open doors elated him immediately. She was already dressed for the night and was waving at him with a VHS tape in her hand.

“What’s that?” He asked in excitement.

“Remember _E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial_ ,the movie we spoke about the other day? I found it in a video-retail store. Wanna watch it tonight?”

“Absolutely.” He smiled at her and left the room, quietly closing the door behind himself.

“Oh, you’re gonna love it.” She said with a genuine enthusiasm in her voice as they headed down the staircase.

“It was one of my favourites when I was a child. I can’t tell you more, but the ending’s gonna make you cry.”

They entered the living room and the Doctor couldn’t help but smile again when he spotted a bowl of popcorn and two glass bottles of Pepsi she had prepared for them. He sat comfortably on the sofa and watched Clara turn on the machine.

After a moment, she joined him on the couch and covered them both with a huge, checked blanket.

Not knowing when, her head and upper back moved and were now supported on his right arm. He had to admit that she was surprisingly open and emotional  for someone who was willing to disappear any minute, but for this moment he didn’t mind it at all. The sweet scent of her, what he first smelled when she hugged him the other day, was filling up his lungs again and kept his brain away from processing anything.

He wasn’t the only one who appreciated the atmosphere tonight. Gulliver, the golden retriever they found the other day, was lying peacefully on the carpet and kept waggling his tail in happiness. Both women were very sceptical about keeping the dog when no one showed to pick it up, but they eventually agreed as he promised to take the dog with him after their job was done.

The movie turned out to be a total bummer, he realised after just few minutes of watching. The reason however was not due to its quality. A few hours earlier he remembered that there was something he should probably check on in the Excalibur, the last place where Luas were seen. Although, he had decided to postpone it till the morning. Now that he had finally had the time to think about it, his mind didn’t want to let him forget. His precariousness did not remain unnoticed.

“Is everything alright?” He heard Clara asking him as she stopped the recording. “We went through a few very sad and hilarious moments, but you didn’t respond to any of them.”

“Yes.” He gasped. “Turn the movie back on, please.”

Clara snuffled, visibly not satisfied with his answer and spun around a little, so she could see his face.

“You sure?” She asked him again. This time a bit more persistent.

“There’s one thing I have to do, but in the morning. So for now please, let’s focus on the movie.”

“We can watch it some other time if you want to.” She smiled at him.

“Tonight.” He pointed out. “I want to watch the movie with you _tonight_.”

“No you don’t.” Clara nailed him. “In your thoughts you’re in a totally different place already.”

“But we were supposed to spend this evening together.”

“If that’s the issue, take me with you. We tried it once and nothing wrong happened.” She told him blithely while her fingertips were playfully poking his chest.

“Besides, it was ages since I last left the Earth. I love this place, but being here 24/7 drives me crazy sometimes.”

He moved slightly under her touch, but didn’t do anything to stop the contact. Instead, his long fingers griped her palm and hold it tightly in place.

“For the record, it’s been slightly more than a week. And I’m planning to go back to the Excalibur. Not sure you want to go there.”

“I’ll be fine.” She whispered and gave him another reassuring smile. “So maybe we’ll do that this way. First we’re going to the Excalibur, then we’ll watch the movie?”

“Okay” He groaned reluctantly. “It’s set then.”

 

◾

 

Fifteen minutes later, the Doctor was waiting for Clara outside, leaning on the bonnet of a navy blue 1963 Chevrolet Corvette that UNIT left out the front of the manor few days earlier.

“Humans!” He concluded when she finally showed up, in a completely different set of clothes.

“What?” She asked totally confused.

“You can’t catch a cold or even feel the shift of temperature in the first place, but still you spent twenty minutes debating on what to wear.”

“Your Tardis is parked in the middle of the town. Maybe I simply don’t want people to see my pyjamas.”

He approached the doors from passenger’s side and opened it for her.

“Maybe, but you weren’t wearing any. So it was a regular primping, I’m afraid.”

Once they both took a seat, he finally turned on the engine and the car started to slowly move along the gravelly driveway. The Doctor used his right hand to switch on the radio and the first verses of Bon Jovi’s “You give the love a bad name” bellowed out.

“Why am I  not surprised.” Clara giggled. “By the way, it hasn’t even been released yet. Better forget about playing it aloud among people. Or is your goal is to make somebody cover it before original was even written?”

He held another one of the buttons for a moment and the tune changed to the calm melody of "Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want."

“Better?” He teased her as the car glided quickly alongside the silver, serpentine road, illuminated by the moon hanging above a somnolent ocean.

They used his Tardis this time. It felt so strange to have her with him in it. He was trying to imagine himself travelling with her many times before, but he never succeeded. Hence the view of her being so automatic and confident in her actions seemed to be totally unnatural to him.

The ship landed in the middle of a canteen. The ashy remnants of the crew spilled all over the floor contrasted with the happy atmosphere generated by the green painted walls and modern furnishing.

“You sure you wanna be here? I have no clue what we’ll find within these walls.” He asked her with a hint of concern in his voice.

“Yes.” She reassured him once again. “Blaming myself for all this isn’t healthy, but pretending it didn’t happen won’t help either.”

The Doctor extended his hand for her and clutched it gently when hers found itself in it.

“Come on then!” He whispered soothingly and they both left the canteen.

They entered a white corridor with plenty of green plastic doors on both sides. The doors were identical, but had on them numbers from 1.01 onwards.

“These are what we’re looking for.” He whispered as if he was expecting to find anyone else in these ruins. “We’re on the sleeping floor. Someone from the crew had a video diary and it has to be stored on a computer in one of these rooms. We’re looking for the one belonging to a woman. Her name was Fiona.”

“Okay. Should we split up?” She asked him.

“Yes. Good idea. There’s another corridor like this one on the level above us. I’m going to look there. You stay here and check these ones.”

“Fine.”

He disappeared behind one of the doors and left her alone.

Clara started to regret her visit as soon as she opened the doors to the first room. It belonged to a man, Douglas to be exact, as the diplomas and medals spread all over the room stated. He couldn’t be more than thirty she remarked when she spotted a photo of him, standing proudly in front a brick house with someone who as she assumed was likely his mother.

During their short stay she didn’t get a chance to meet them all. In fact, she knew only names of four from fifteen members of the crew, since the day they arrived many of them were off on holidays. Now, when she finally linked the names of people and their faces the tragedy seemed to be even bigger.

She went into another room in the hall and was more than happy when she saw the name “Fiona” hanging on the walls. She approached the desk and bookshelves and started to look for anything that resembled a computer. Inside a middle drawer of the desk she found something that looked like a tablet. Not wasting any more time, she put the device in the bag she had brought with her.

She was about to leave the room when she heard the metallic noise of a cocking gun and turned around. A masked, silent figure was staring at her, with its gun about to fire any second.


	8. Chapter 8

Clara was woken up by a blinding light leaking through her closed eyelids. She reluctantly opened her eyes and noticed that her surrounding had changed. The room in which she was in what seemed like only seconds ago was gone, and now she was lying lifelessly on an uncomfortable examination table in some sort of medical base.

She felt relatively good, except for the burning pain in her chest and stomach, and she lifted herself up on to her elbows and looked down at her abdomen with the intent to find the source of unpleasant sensation. She almost passed out again when her eyes noticed a huge burnt hole in the middle of her shirt. Fortunately, her fragile skin, covered with the layer of now not existing fabric, remained untouched.

Clara looked around the room and spotted two other people in the room. A masked creature similar to the one she saw earlier guarded the only way out, while a white haired woman was sitting on a plastic chair by her bed, smiling at her shyly.

“Hello, Clara.” The elf looking lady greeted her when she noticed she was awake. “You’re in the med bay. One of the Judoon shot you accidentally. I’m really sorry about that, but they thought you were an intruder.”

Clara didn’t say anything but clenched her teeth, swallowing nervously. The pain in her stomach was getting harder and harder to bear every minute. Extraction might have strengthened her body in general, but the “mute” mode it set by blocking every internal sensation made her nervous system extremely sensitive to pain.

“You’ve been electrocuted. The voltage was low and shouldn’t do you any harm. But the pain is inevitable, I’m afraid.” The woman was reassuring her.

Certain that things weren’t as serious as they seemed at first, Clara tried to get up from the bed. Her body however was completely numb and didn’t want to listen to her commands at all. After a moment of fruitless struggling, she laid herself back on the examination table and groaned in resignation.

 “Good, you’re awake,” The doctor said, approaching her bed. She got herself up to sitting position. He stopped next to her bed and looked down at her. There was a tiny smile on his lips, but his blue eyes were telling a completely different story, glancing at her with a concern etched on them.

He took her hand in his and almost froze when her limp fingers didn’t even try to squeeze his palm.

“What kind of tasers are you using here?” He turned around and directed to the elfish woman.

“This is not normal.” The Doctor accused as his hand was still holding Clara’s which hung pimply in his.

“I’m really sorry.” The woman apologized to them calmly. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She said as she got up from the chair and approached the doors. The masked creature silently left the room after her and left the two intruders to their own devices.

“Please, don’t ever do that again.” The Doctor told her once they were finally on their own. “I suffered a tiny heart attack when I saw you lying on the floor unconscious.”

“Not my fault, I’m afraid.” Clara smiled at him. She folded her hands around his arm and used it to lift herself up from the bed.

He instinctively put his other hand on her waist and helped to stand up. “I have something I would like to show you before we go. Can you walk with my assistance or you rather wait? We have some time if you want to lay for a little bit longer.” The Doctor asked her. The tip of his tongue was dampening his lips as he was speaking.

“No, I’ll be fine.” She told him while her hand gripped tightly at his coat and jumper for support. “I have the diary by the way.”

“Great to hear that,” The Doctor whispered, when they were slowly moving across the room, closer to the doors. Once they reached the corridor, which unsurprisingly didn’t look like those on the Excalibur at all, Clara loosened her grip around his frame and rested her hand on the wall. She tried to walk few steps on her own and before long realised that the numbness she felt earlier was gradually subsiding.

They entered a room which contained only a huge glass cage standing in the middle of the room. Inside the box a human-like creature the size of an adult was sitting. The creature resembled a human, although its skin had a shiny silvery tone, similar to a scales of fish or snakes.

“It’s a Diplosian. Well more than that actually -” The Doctor stated as they were very close to the prison where the creature was sealed. “There’s a Lua inside. The cage is made of Bodreutrium, so it’s trapped.”

“Yes,” The creature said as it licked its upper lip. “The Ancient Spirits of Lua can live in any organism they want as long as they’re mindless. Dead, alive. It doesn’t make any difference to us. But when it comes to a thinking creature, the host must leave the body first.”

“I thought that metal is only stored on Gallifrey.” Clara pointed out to the Doctor, her eyes wide in surprise and fixed on the creature behind the thick glass.

“Yeah, I was surprised at first too. They have more of that, so we’ll borrow them for his friends. Tell _her_ what you told me!” The Time Lord demanded from the creature.

“Lady wants to hear a story?” The creature spoke with a mischievous smile on its face. “I have a message for her.”

“What message?” Clara asked the Doctor. She stared at his face, inspecting it for any clues. Honestly speaking, she had no idea what he wanted her to listen to.

The Doctor looked at her and gave her a sad smile. “Time Lords sent them here to identify the Hybrid. They’re technically immortal what makes them a perfect spies. Although, they changed their mind and decided not to follow the orders.” He almost whispered.

“They sent us here for millennia of starvation. What else were we supposed to do?” The creature hissed through its clenched teeth.

It stood up and moved to the glass which was separating it from its guests.  “We spent millions of years asking death to finally come, but it never did.” The creature directed to Clara. Its thin hand was spreading on the glass like the limbs of a spider.

“But the Universe had mercy on us. We found a perfect vessel to survive. One that will never wear out.” It continued.

“You mean me?” Clara asked with her lips wide opened. She hadn’t even once thought that the reason behind the murders Luas committed could be so trivial.

The creature stuck out its dichotomous tongue and seemed to taste the air with it. “I would not confuse you with anything. I could smell your energy for miles. So fulfilling and endless. It’s a sin not to share.”

“Haven’t you considered coming and asking me to surrender before you started to kill the innocent?” Clara whispered out calmly. “I wanted to go to Gallifrey straight away. I would never have realised that’s what you wanted if you weren’t caught. “

“We had no idea you own your immortality to Time Lords.” The creature explained to her. “And we needed you to see what we can do, otherwise you would take us for granted. We had to make sure you knew we were not bluffing.”

“You started slaughtering in three different places.” Clara snorted.

“Anima Persis was always doomed to die. Ask your friend, he’ll confirm I’m telling the truth. Hadrian would suffer from an epidemic that would cost life of everybody of the planet in a few months. Crew of the Excalibur was about to die in the collision with a meteor if the ship wasn’t stopped yesterday. All these places were destined to die anyways-“The creature continued importantly. “But the next one isn’t. It’s up to you if Earth survives of not.”

Clara was about to ask another question when she heard the doors to the room open. The elf-looking woman went inside the room and advised them to leave the prisoner for now.

There were many things Clara wanted to ask the creature about. Most of all she wanted to understand why they brought all of this  damage and tragedy down on her, but she never got a chance to do so. The only thing she could do was to turn around as she was leaving the room and once again look for a brief moment at the monster which broke her life.

 

***

“Are you okay?” The Doctor asked Clara when they found themselves in the Tardis again. Despite the fact that he seemed to be busy with the controls, her sad mood didn’t remain unnoticed by him.

“I’m fine.” She whispered with her voice lacking confidence, while she was sitting on the concrete stairs. Her head was bowed and her face almost completely hidden in her hands. The Doctor left the console unit and approached her. He took a seat next to her and breathed in heavily to announce his presence.

“You won’t fool me, Clara Oswald.” He chuckled playfully as his frame nudged hers. “You’re doing that strange thing with your eyes. The only times I’ve seen you do that was when you were sad or scared. There’s nothing to be scared of, so it must be the first one. What _saddens_ you then?”

“Do you happen to know how to deal with the guilt?” She asked him sadly. “Because I have no idea how to.”

“Well, I thought I destroyed my own planet once, so I think I can imagine.” He giggled.

Clara turned around and gave him an icy stare. “This is not funny.” She said.

The Doctor looked down at her and gave her a tiny smile. “Sorry, I know.” He continued more seriously. “What happened is a great tragedy, I won’t say it’s not. But it wasn’t your fault. No one ordered these creatures to kill. If you start to blame yourself for it, it will only mean you let them defeat you. Because all they want now is to make you feel like that.”

“But it’s so many lives they burnt.” Clara mumbled and leant her head on his arm, looking for comfort from him. She knew quite well that physical contact wasn’t anything her friend appreciated or liked, but he was also the only person around she could hold on to. Frankly speaking, he was the only person she wanted to play that role in her life now.

The Doctor didn’t reject her this time. He turned his head gently and rested his chin on her hair. “There’ll be time for mourning after this is over, but now we have a planet so save.” He was whispering into the space between them. “It’s the only place in this part of the Galaxy that serves hot chocolate, so we better try hard.”

“At least Time Lords weren’t involved.” Clara was trying to look for the bright site of the situation.

“On the bright side, at least Time Lords weren’t involved,” Clara said.

“They were partly. They sent them here to identify the Hybrid knowing what they could possibly do this. But you’re right, it’s good they don’t try to capture you.” He spoke.

The Time Lord rose up to a standing position and stopped in front of her, smiling at her shyly.

“Shall we go now?” He asked her as he reached his long hand in her direction.

She smiled back at him and firmly grabbed his hand. “Let’s go, there’s work to do.”


	9. Chapter 9

Once they finally got to the parking lot where their car was parked, Clara immediately decided to be the driver on their way back to the farm. Despite yawning and rubbing his eyes all the time, the Doctor tried to convince her that it was perfectly fine for him to drive. Nevertheless, only five minutes later he was sleeping soundly on the passenger seat, while Clara was directing the vehicle through the moonlit forests. 

The night was beautiful, she thought, as her hand firmly held the steering wheel. 

There was however one thing in her surroundings she appreciated more than the undeniable beauty of nature in this time of year. From time to time, her eyes would peer at the Doctor’s sleeping form. It was the first occasion in a very long time when she could have a proper glance at him without risk of being caught, and she couldn’t help but admire the view. 

The tragedy Luas brought on her was still her worst nightmare, but having the Doctor and his  friendship back, even for a brief moment, made her start to see things in a less dramatic way. Maybe that was the chance she was silently praying for over all these years? She couldn’t tell yet, but the thought that he knew about her existence and maybe even cared about her a little made her stiff heart dance in joy.  

“Doctor, wake up. We’re already home.” She was gently disturbing his sleep when the car halted in front of the house.

“I wasn’t sleeping.” He said with a trembling voice.

“Yes you were.” She pointed out while his skinny frame shook slightly from the cold, woken up from its sleepy state. 

The short distance between where they stood and the front door seemed to take ages to cover. The porch in front of the house was blinding him immensely with the lanterns hanging from the walls.

Reaching the house, as they soon discovered, wasn’t the only problem on the Doctor’s way to bed this evening. He leaned patiently on the wall with his eyes closed while Clara was fruitlessly looking for the keys in her bag.

“I guess you want to go to bed.” She told him playfully as her hands were digging for the item, now in her pockets. 

“I won’t say no to that.” He yawned. 

She opened the doors for them and soon they both found themselves in the warm hallway adjacent to the kitchen. Clara took off her jean jacket and sat on the bench by the doors while the Time Lord stood aimlessly in the middle of the room.

“Oh, just go to bed.” She laughed. “You look like zombie.”

The Doctor however didn’t move and still kept swaying in front of her. After a moment a perky smirk appeared on his face. “I have a proposition.” He stated proudly. 

“You’re not in a state to do anything, believe me.” She told him snootily as she took of her shoes.

“Do you want to sleep with me?” He shook his head and started all over again. “Sorry, it sounded better in my head. On Gallifrey we used a method of shared dreams in psychotherapy and I think I could use it on you if you want to.”

“I don’t need a therapy.” She dismissed him.

“That’s not what I meant.” He said. “You can’t sleep, right? With this method I would be able to join with your mind while I slept and project some of my dreams onto you.”

“Do you want to do it?” She asked him.

“Would I propose it to you if I didn’t?” The Doctor mumbled.

Clara huffed and knitted her eyebrows, not sure what if she should accept his offer.

“Please, make up your mind. I’m suffering fatal exhaustion here. Besides, my body clock is distinct from humans and no one can say when another opportunity like that will happen.” He nudged her. 

“It would be great. But wouldn’t it be awkward?” She continued questioning him.

“Awkward how?” He asked disoriented. “It’s my subconscious which is going to be displayed.”

The woman breathed in the air heavily. “Okay, then. My room or yours?” She asked.

“My bed is bigger.” 

 

The Doctor led her upstairs to the attic and kindly opened the doors to his bedroom for her. Clara was once again impressed by the work the person who designed the property did. The room belonging to the Doctor was stunning.

The ceiling was made of dark oak and consisted of beams which along with few pillars spread around the room supported the roof above their heads. The entire interior was illuminated by only one single window in the shape of a rosette. The floor was covered with material similar to the ceiling, nonetheless the wooden surface was hardly visible from beneath a crème leather carpets. In the centre of the room stood a heavy rustic bed with a metal frame that was painted grey. The crème cotton bedding matched perfectly with the rugs on the floor. 

The Doctor advised Clara to make herself at home and sat leisurely in the light-patterned armchair by the bed. He took of his boots, which were joined by his coat and jumper shortly after. Just in his trousers and thin t-shirt he approached the bed and removed the bedspread covering it. 

On his right arm Clara noticed light tree-like marks which were leading under his shirt. Likely, a side effect of the neural block since she saw similar signs on the bodies of lightning bolt survivors before. Seeing them on his skin made her realise how potent the device must have been. 

Once the bed was prepared and ready for their experiment, he walked over to the wooden night table and unbound a blue band which embellished the ceramic vase with dry flowers in it. He took the streamer in his hand inspecting it carefully and sat on the bed.

“It should be fine.” He said as his hands were shifting along the silky ribbon.

Clara approached the bed and took a place next to him. 

“What is it for?” She asked him intrigued by his actions. 

“We need to stay in physical contact all the times. Keeping our hands bonded is the easiest way. Do you have your favourite sleep position?”

The woman took the band from his hand and started to twist around her palm. “To be honest I don’t remember.” She told him as her hand was more and more entwined in the beautiful fabric. After a moment she slipped it back into his hand.

The Doctor closed his fingers protectively around it and came to the other side of the bed. He kneeled over it and lifted the duvet slightly, so he could bunk down under it. Clara followed him shortly after.

“Do you have any?” She said calmly when they both were lying already under the blankets.

“I usually sleep on my side.” He answered her whereas his other hand was binding together her right and his left hand. Their fingers intertwined involuntary in response to the close contact. 

The Doctor shifted a little and turned out the night lamp standing on the bedside table which illuminated the room. The room was immediately covered with pitch-darkness characteristic for the countryside. They told each other  goodnight and both focused on falling asleep.

Clara was lying on her back staring at the ceiling while the Doctor’s face was turned towards her, so near she almost could feel his hot breath on her arm. 

Despite his sleepiness just fifteen minutes ago, the sleep didn’t visit and the Doctor kept moving nervously in the bed unable to fall asleep. His loud grumbling and groaning was disturbing the dead silence filling the bedroom.

After a while Clara picked herself up and turned on the light. 

“Are you alright?” She asked him.

“Except for the fact I can’t force myself to do something as pathetic as sleep?” He mumbled through his teeth.

“It’s fine. We can try some other time.” She comforted him. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?”

“I’m sleepy. Why can’t I fall asleep?” He loudly fell down on the pillows.

“You got excited that’s why.” She placated him. “Do you want something to drink? Hot milk would help, I believe.”

“I’m not a five years old.” He moaned in anger. 

Clara untied the band and linked her other hand with the Doctor’s palm. Once done with her task, she quietly laid down in the bed beside him and turned off the light.

“Turn around.” She ordered him firmly.

“Why?”

“Don’t ask  _ why _ . Just do it!” The woman continued. 

He whispered something under his breath, but pivoted as she asked, so that his eyes weren’t facing hers anymore. After a moment, he felt her arm move and rest on his torso just below his armpit. 

“It won’t help.” He hissed like a snake as her grip around him tightened. 

“Shush.” He heard her rustling behind his ear. “Just try to sleep.” He waited for her to stop, but Clara’s grasp didn’t seem to wane even slightly. Instead she moved closer to him and now their lower bodies were touching as well. 

He closed his eyes in resignation still hopeful to prove her wrong by ostentatiously panting, Clara however didn’t intend to back off at all. She only squeezed him harder and rested her head just behind his. The scent of his shampoo and hair, she missed so much over last months were filling up her lungs. Before long her soothing breathing was taking its toll on him and his  _ gasping for air _ subsided. Her own thoughts were less intense and started to be divided by longer and longer periods of blissfulness.

Then the pictures before her eyes arose. They were in some kind of alien meadow where every leaf and grass-stalk was purple. She swore it was just the Doctor’s imagination, but maybe it was in fact a distant memory of a place or experiences?

Later, they ended up in an underwater land where half-human half-fishes had their kingdom. They had a feast with the king himself, consisting of colourful wrack and sea fruits. 

After a while, the visions stopped and her mind started to direct itself towards the surface along with his. They were now surrounded by an endless darkness filled with the sounds of what she thought belonged to the real world. Then this part also finished and her eyes began to slowly open in response to the daylight.

Clara woke up entirely and looked around the room. The Doctor was awake already. She couldn’t see his face in the dim light, but she could tell that his silhouette was sitting peacefully on the bed with its back leaned against the metal headrest. 

“Morning,” She mumbled merrily as she stretched her limbs on the bed. “Slept well?”

The Doctor didn’t say anything, he didn’t even move. His eyes were aimlessly staring into the space as if he was hypnotised.

“Doctor?” Clara called his name again, this time a bit concerned with his sudden change of mood. “Is everything alright?”

He turned around and looked at her. There was something grim and utterly terrifying in his stare. “I’m fine.” He whispered, so quiet she could hardly hear him. 

Before she could do anything, he turned and nestled into her, burying his face in her shirt. His long fingers balled into the fabric of it with speed and force, as if his life depended on that. He didn’t say a word more;- instead his miserable weeping broke the silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes that's exactly what happened. :)
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	10. Chapter 10

That Doctor lay motionlessly on the bed. His face was turned in the direction of wall and glanced at the reflections of the stained glass on it while he explained to Clara what happened the night before. She was lying close to him, but not quite touching him, afraid to creep into his personal space. Her brooding eyes were carefully investigating his facial expression, which was changing every now and then in response to the memories flooding his brain.

“So we forced the neural block by doing it?” She asked him with a trembling voice.

“I think so. Or at least I don’t think I remembered it all yesterday.” He groaned with dejection etched on his face. He felt cold drops of fresh tears forming in his eyes, ready to flow down and rinse his cheeks any minute as he spoke.

“That would explain why they use that method in psychotherapy.” Clara stated seriously. “Do you feel like you remember? No offence, but how can you be even sure they’re new?”

He looked at her with his glazed eyes and pursed his lips as if there was a physical pain hurting him. “I don’t know. I feel I didn’t know some of it.”

“Do you want me to ask you some questions and test it?” She kept questioning him.

“I remember the Cloisters, is that enough?” He gave her an icy stare and snorted.

The Doctor spotted a combination of compassion and pitifulness in Clara’s eyes at the sound of his words and something inside him broke again. He turned around and buried his face deeply in soft pillows beneath him, sobbing in despair.

Clara didn’t continue her subtle interrogation, instead she moved closer to him and gently placed her upper body on his back.

“It’s gonna be fine.” She whispered into the fabric of his t-shirt, wet from sweat, as her fingers tenderly pulled him closer to her. “You’re just overwhelmed, but it will pass.”

The word _overwhelmed_ wasn’t even close to explaining what he felt at the moment, he was scared to death. Awareness that there was something hidden under a thin layer of oblivion was always with him. Sometimes it leaked into his life in a form of an unexplainable feeling or premonition. Always, it was something he couldn’t describe or properly inspect in that brief moment before it passed him. But now everything was different, the cage holding that monster was opened and he could see it all its glory. Terrifying and comfortless.

“Speak to me.” She begged.

He spun around and looked at her. His eyes stung from crying and made the vision blurry, but he didn’t care much about it. All his attention was focused on the wave of emotions flooding his mind.

It felt like a bath full of ice to him. Added to the water cube by cube, ice doesn’t make much difference, but is unbearable when one must dive into an already prepared bath. And right now he was obliged to do so.

Clara didn’t say anything more, but pulled him closer to her and squeezed him in a warm embrace. The Doctor didn’t try to escape her touch, but huddled up to her as a small child looking for consolation. He buried his face in the blouse and breathed in the familiar smell of her body. Well-known combination of spicy and sweet notes.

They laid like that for a long moment, resembling a silhouette from one of those Art Nouveau paintings. A mess of limbs intertwined together like a thin branches of a tree. Holding on to her warm arms was slowly assuaging his pain and the terrifying thoughts started to drift off in blissfulness.

“I can’t lose you again. I don’t know what I would do.” He gasped after a while into her hair while she was still holding him as close to her body as she could.

“You’re not going to lose me. Not this time.” Clara was assuring him. She moved away a little so she could look at him properly and smiled at him. “We have an eternity now. There’s only one Raven for me after all.” She told him. Something in the way she peered at him made him believe her.

A gleam appeared in the Doctor’s eye as he considered her proposition. Finally, he shyly returned the smile. It was the first occasion he showed any signs of happiness since he regained his memories earlier that morning. Seeing him slowly coming to the terms with what just happened made the grin on Clara’s face widened. She slowly moved her hand to his face and begun to stroke the skin of his cheek exactly where some tears still were.

“You properly scared me today. But you’re fine now, right?” She asked calmly as her delicate palm was caressing his tensed features which were beginning to relax slowly under her touch.

He nodded silently.

 

“Good, seeing you like that breaks my heart.” Clara told him. “When something bad happens to me I know I can handle it, but when it’s you-“ She broke midsentence and looked down. Her eyebrows frowned as she continued. “The feeling I can’t do anything to help you is much worse.”

“You’re not the only one.” The Doctor answered with his voice still hoarse from sobbing.

Clara rose her head a little and looked at him once again. Her wide open eyes almost burnt him as she stared at him. After a moment, she moved her hand from his face to the fabric covering his neck. Her fingers pulled him closer to her by the lapel of his shirt and before he could react, she brought their lips together.

The kiss was gentle and ended quickly as it started.  Once their lips parted, Clara pulled away and moved a little to look at him again. He could tell that she was relaxed and maybe a bit surprised, but it was more curiosity than fear. Her mischievous stare met his and they stayed like that for a second or two. Discussing without words what has just happened.

It wasn’t the last surprise in the store for him that morning as after a brief moment, she used her hand to close the distance between them and brushed her lips to his again.

This time she was more confident than before and didn’t break the kiss fast enough to prevent him from responding to it. They used every second they were given and tasted each other slowly and with a great care.

Years earlier, he was jealous of Danny who was granted this pleasure, a privilege that the other man likely never truly appreciated since he never needed to do anything to gain it, and now it was finally his own turn to sample. He couldn’t describe how amazing being kissed by her felt. Especially, if one thought it would never happen to him.

The sluggish pace Clara set for them was nice at first, but before long the Doctor couldn’t help but want more. He tried without a positive result to compose himself and enjoy the situation, but her phlegmatic movements were irritating rather than appeasing the emotions simmering in his twin hearts. All he could think about was the irresistible longing for her. The very same one he first felt in the confessional dial when the plan how to save her was concocted.  Heat and the sweet scent of her body so close to his own- made him want much more than she was offering at the moment. The only problem was that his mind didn’t know how to phrase what it needed at all.

The Doctor kneeled over Clara and touched her lower lip with the tip of his tongue, hopeful to get permission to explore further, which she eagerly granted. There was no great design in his actions after that. His every move then was a desperate attempt to find anything that even slightly resembled fulfilment. Before either of them could process what was happening, she was lying underneath him as he was leaving a trail of soft kisses on her neck, all the way to the line where the shirt covered her fragile skin.

Her fingers tangled in his curls sent a wave of arousal through him.  Overwhelming sensation he first felt out of the blue seemed bearable, and as he figured it out he didn’t intend to stop. He moved his hand to her shirt and was about to undo first of the buttons when she grabbed it and shifted under him.

“Sorry, I should go.” She whispered under her breath as she rose hurryingly from the bed, almost blowing him down in the process. Before he could say or do anything Clara was already by the door. She turned the doorknob and left the room without even once looking at him.

The Doctor sunk on the pillows lying behind him on the bed and moaned heavily. Everything this morning was as clear as a mud and he hated it.


	11. Chapter 11

“Hold me or I’ll kill him,” The Doctor heard Ashildr who sat next to him in the backseat of the car saying. Her threat was directed to nobody else but Pierre- a young gentleman sent a few hours earlier by the UNIT to help them. He couldn’t understand how someone as nice and funny as Pierre could evoke such negative response, especially from a female of his own species.  However the progression of his relationship with Clara earlier that day was the best proof that he knew very little about the romantic life of inhabitants of Earth.

He still hadn’t managed to talk with her about what happened that morning in his bedroom. He tried to do so few times, but each time she gave him a clever roundabout. He never sympathised with Danny Pink, on some occasions he even found the way Clara treated him hilarious, but now when it was him with whom conversations she was avoiding at any cost, he started to think the man’s patience was boundless.

“Here we are. Dinan.” Pierre said with his funny French accent as the car halted in the parking lot adjacent to a huge sandstone archway.

“Not much to do since it’s Sunday, but a few restaurants should be open.”

The Doctor opened the door from his side and slowly left the car. He stopped for a moment and looked up at the ruins in front of him. He couldn’t see much from his current perspective, but the sandstone wall and few high towers he spotted seemed to make the trip promising in regards to sightseeing.

He then walked over to the car boot to release Gully. The dog eagerly jumped off the boot onto the cobblestone and started to circle around him in excitement. The Doctor stood motionlessly and observed Clara approaching them and kneeling over the dog.

“Looks like someone’s in mood for a long walk,-” she said breezily to the pet as she stroked its golden fur. “Can I take it?”

She gestured at the white leash with printed playing card suits the Doctor held in his fist. Without hesitation, he passed her the thick lead and watched as she and Gulliver wandered off towards the gate leading to the town. The dog walked by her side without slowing down even for a second to sniff the surroundings- something he had failed to learn to do yet.

 

***

 

“Okay folks, the Museum is opened,-” Ashildr said merrily as she joined the Doctor and Clara eating ice creams on one of the wooden benches at the Promenade de la Duchesse-Anne. Pierre was shyly stepping after her, careful not to fall in her disfavour any further. “But since some morons dug their heels in taking the dog with us, someone must stay here and watch it,-” she continued.

Clara rose her head up from under her ice cream and looked up at her friend. Her eyes involuntary squinted in response to the intensive sunlight that was now glaring straight at her face.

“I’m happy to stay here. Not in the mood for sightseeing anyways,-” she said bluntly, and bit off another part of sweet cone.

“I’ll stay with them.” The Doctor promised fervently and closed his arms around the dog’s chest in an embrace so tight it made the size of animals eyes double. A plan to use the opportunity as a chance to finally speak to Clara without witnesses was simply too precious to lose for a few average sculptures and paintings.

“Fine then. I’ll go and tell that nitwit we’re going on our own.” Ashildr mumbled and disappeared in the crowd.

The Doctor’s lips curled up into a vast grin when he noticed his plan working. Not to let Clara know his intentions, he reached his hand in the direction of Gully and started to feed the dog the remaining part of his cherry-vanilla ice cream. The dog licked its little treat with almost veneration, with its eyes closed and each lick followed by a long satisfied moan. Seeing his furry friend so happy, made his own hearts beat a little bit faster.

In fact, everything that day made him feel more alive than ever. He was with Clara. They were both relatively safe and sound. Or at least far away from Time Lords and the damn Raven. The way they spent that afternoon wasn’t that bad either. Sitting in a park and marvelling at the beauty of the landscape wasn’t as compelling as most of the things they usually did together, but it was definitely pleasant. The only flaw he could come up with was the unaddressed situation earlier that morning.

“It’s nice, isn’t it,-” he sighed to Clara. One of his hands still held the ice cream cone and the other gestured on the space around them.

Clara looked at him and smiled.

“It’s France. Everything is nice here,-” she corrected him. “Although, I’m seriously consider kicking Ashildr and Pierre out.”

“They’re unbearable. I get they don’t like each other, but why do they need to fight over everything.” The Doctor nodded.

“Because they like each other.”

The Doctor raised his eyebrows and remained silent for a moment.

“They do?” He finally choked up with a note of disbelief in his voice.

Hearing his puzzlement made her giggle.

“Yes,-” she reassured him. “They like each other a _lot_.” She stressed on the last words.

The Doctor smiled at her and shook his head. He had to admit the love life of humans was much more complicated than he ever assumed it would be.

“But they don’t do anything else except for fighting! That doesn’t make sense.”

“Human’s emotions are very complicated,-” Clara explained to him. The subject must have been very important to her since her movements started to be more quickened. “There are many levels. There is a subtext as well,-” she continued.

“Is there subtext if someone escapes during making out?” He finally broke.

Saying the words made him realise something very simple that he still managed to overlook, and was now making him feel like the biggest fool that ever stepped on that planet, if not in the entire galaxy.

“You don’t need to say anything. I figured it out already. Your life functions have been time-looped. I get you-”  

“That isn’t the reason why.” She interrupted him in mid-sentence. Her eyes left his and fixed on the pavement with so much strength, he thought they could dig a hole in the ground.  “See, there are things I should tell you about; I have a feeling you may not like them.”

Seeing her troubled didn’t elicit a similar response in him straight away. He knew that woman way too well to tear his hair out without knowing the context of the situation first. Likely, she once again created herself a problem which grew in her eyes to enormous size while in fact there was nothing to worry about in the first place. There was a name for people acting like that. They called them control freaks. He didn’t like it – the word _freak_. It was offending and sounded as if she was a loony or some other form of madman. His Clara was the sanest person he’s ever met.

The Doctor moved closer to Clara and leant his back leisurely on the hard backseat of the bench. He rested his hand right behind her back so he could reach her and ghosted the fabric of her jean jacket with his fingertips.

“After the thing with chronolock I won’t be surprised by anything. Go ahead.” He chuckled.

He glanced at Clara for clues but it turned out to be in vain. All he could see was a veil of her brown hair hiding her face from him.

“Well, this has something to do with the Raven.” She choked up as her fingers played nervously with a golden ring on her index finger. “But you need to promise, you’ll think about it first. No impulsive actions, alright,-” she said and turned around to look at him. A serious expression in her eyes made him feel that the problem might have not been as simple as he thought it would. “I haven’t made up my mind yet. It’s just a consideration,-” she continued.

            “Shoot!”

Clara cleared throat and took few deep breaths before he heard her speak again.

“I’m thinking about going back to Gallifrey.”

“I know, you have to.” He answered without a hint of disconcertment in his voice. Apparently the problem wasn’t as bad as it seemed just seconds earlier.

She nodded slightly and pursed her lips. Her chocolate eyes once again chickened out and hid themselves from him.

“No, Doctor. I’m going back after this is done.”

“Oh, -“The Doctor managed to force himself to say. He felt his stomach churn as he heard her say those words. Everything he’d done recently was done to prevent similar conversations from happening ever again, but yet they still found themselves in exactly the same position as that day when the Raven demanded her soul or when he saw the Daleks shoot her. The only problem was, each time it happened he felt there was less and less he could do to fix it.

“Yeah, _oh_.  I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I don’t think I should risk the safety of the Universe any longer. I can’t change what happened to Wetania, but I’m not going to let it happen again. I promised myself I won’t,-” She explained. The tone of her calm and calculated voice made his hearts tear into pieces.

“To me it looks like you made up your mind already,-” he rasped.

Clara turned around and took his hand in hers, fondling it gently.

“What do you think about it?” She asked him smiling sheepishly.

The Doctor released his hand from hers and leant back on the bench as far away from her body as he could.

“Well, you were right. Second edition is even better than the first,-” he mumbled.

“I know, it sounds awful. But it’s reasonable.” Clara continued reasoning with him. She felt perfectly collected, while he was doing his best trying not to let it show that all he wanted to do now was to scream at the top of his lungs about how she could do that to him.

“You’re right, it’s very reasonable.” He whined when he was finally ready to tell her anything. “It’s the very definition of the word reasonability. You forgot there are people who’ll suffer because of it. But beside this tiny bugbear everything is perfect.”

Clara moved closer to him and put her hand on his lap.

“What I said in the Cloisters. Nothing changed. Doctor, I know how it sounds but it’s the best we can do, don’t you think? We can wait a century or two. Pretend it doesn’t exist. But what about when my time is up? Will it be easier to say goodbye then, after so many years together?”

“Can you please give me a moment for myself, Clara?”

“Shouldn’t we discuss it,-” she asked.

“Not just now, okay-”

Clara took her hand from his leg and got herself up from the bench.

“I want you to know that it isn’t easy for me either,-” she told him before she wandered off in direction of the street.  


	12. Chapter 12

Clara was reading in her room when she heard a rustle coming from the doors of her bedroom. She rose from the bed and approached the doors to inspect the source of noise. Next to the threshold, she found a small piece of stationery. She smoothed out the delicate paper and read the words written  on it with a black ink in the Doctor’s hand.

 

“ _ 6 p.m. Your Tardis. _

_ P.S.: Sorry about the paper, I couldn’t find anything that didn’t stink like roses. -D” _

 

Since there was only an hour to go, Clara hurryingly decided to change into something more appropriate and leave the house as soon as possible. She chose a simple burgundy dress with  huge white and black flowers printed on it and matching black leather sandals. A sad reverie filled up her mind when she realised that she couldn’t recall the last time when she put on anything similarly young and innocent. It seemed like the Doctor took that part of her life with him.

No one could tell from her face, but she was in her late nineties already. Most of the people she grew up with were either dead already or were awaiting in their hearts for death to finally pay them a visit. Clara in turn, hadn’t gotten older by even a day over all these years. It didn’t mean she hadn’t changed though. She did more than anyone, but the changes simply didn’t touch her body; only her heart. 

She once again checked her expression in the huge standing mirror in her room and finally left the room to meet the Doctor. 

The way to her Tardis turned out to be much longer than she remembered, but maybe it was simply the fact that she couldn’t wait to finally meet him that made the time stop. 

The Doctor was already waiting for her there when she arrived. He was leaning on one of the huge maple trees and discussing something with Gulliver who was sitting patiently by his side. Once the dog spotted Clara, it immediately got up and quickly ran to greet her. 

Clara kneeled over him slightly and gently stroked his soft golden fur. The Doctor also moved in her direction and soon she met his eyes-; he was smiling at her slyly.

“Hello stranger,-” he whispered into the fabric of her dress while she was hugging him. “Mind a little walk?”

“Not at all,-” she answered merrily when her grip around his thin body was loosening.

“Gulliver.” The Doctor called the golden retriever which started to sniff shrubs of blueberry totally unaware that they already wandering off. He tried multiple times, the dog, however, pretended to be deaf to his calling. Finally the Doctor approached Gully and fasten a leash to his black collar.

“It’s a divine retribution with this fellow.” He grumbled as he caught up with Clara and put his hand in hers. 

“You know what they say about pets -” she teased him. “They are a reflection of their owners.”

“In case of this one, it’s the lack of discipline.” The Doctor hissed under his breath when had to stop as the dog didn’t want to move. He tried to pull the stubborn animal but the dog was keeping itself in place with its strong paws. 

Clara giggled and took the leash from his hand. And to her surprise, the dog moved immediately.

“See, a right attitude is the key.” 

They were wandering for another twenty minutes till a glade decorated with a carpet of tiny blue and yellow flowers appeared before their eyes. Clara was utterly surprised when she noticed a red blanket lying on the soft grass in front of them. She turned around and raised her eyebrow on the Doctor.

“Do you know anything about this?” She asked with a deadpan expression on her face.

“Not at all-” he said calmly and winked at her. “Do you like it?”

“It’s lovely. What’s the occasion?”

“Just  _ lovely _ ?” He shook his head pretending that he felt offended and took a bottle of wine from the picnic basket lying on the blanket. “At least I have  _ this _ bottle of twenty year old Chardonnay to comfort myself.”

Clara went on tiptoes and brought her lips to his in a chaste kiss. 

“Actually you were very close to excellent,-” she told him as their lips parted.

She could feel the Doctor’s huge hands wrapping around her waist and press her harder to his core. 

“You think so?” He asked her before he leant in and captured her lips for another gentle kiss. 

His attitude after everything he heard from her earlier was surprising, she thought to herself. She doubted he would take it so easily with his stubbornness and need to prove everyone it was him who was right. But maybe she was taking his respect for her choices for granted and he truly accepted it. 

“Well, Pierre can stay forever if it means more picnics like this one.” Clara purred in satisfaction nuzzling his nose with hers. 

The Doctor took a seat and gestured her to make herself comfortable too. 

“It’s just a prelude. Wait till you see what I have planned for later.” He spoke proudly as his hand reached to the basket and opened it revealing multiple treats. 

“Sorry to spoil the mood, but I need to ask you about something,-” Clara rasped. She wished she could be as romantic and spontaneous as he was that day, but she remembered the truth. There were dark clouds hanging above their heads and pretending they weren’t there would not help to set things straight. It would only make them worse.

“I know what you mean. And yes, this is why I wanted to meet here,-” The Doctor muttered.  “Hope I got instructions from the book right. Nevertheless please be forgiving,  I don’t do this every day. ” He told her before he reached to his pocket and retrieved small box from it. 

Before she could collect more information about the object he held in his hand, he kneeled in front of her with the above box opened. Inside the small wooden box, on white velvet sat a tiny ring made up of two intertwining rings. The metal was well-known to her, silver, and a medium-sized burgundy stone sat in the middle of it all. 

“I know you lot use diamonds in your rings, but this one is better. It’s Vilthoclase. When the feelings of the person who gave the stone change so do the colour of the ring. Don’t want to boast about myself but it cost a fortune.” He explained with a smirk on his face. 

Frantically, Clara rose from the blanket and escaped few steps away from him. 

“You better be making fun of me-,” she whispered.

The Doctor got himself up from his knees and approached her. 

“I know it’s very early to ask you about similar things. But I have a  counter proposition to yours. We’ll stay together for a while, until my time is up. We’ll be travelling as much as possible. Do silly stuff as always. And then I’ll go there with you. How does it sound?” 

“Is that entire carry-on just to make me stay with you?” Clara said with a note of disbelief in her voice. She had no doubt what she just saw wasn’t real. The Doctor she knew needed over six months to finally hug her and almost hyperventilated himself to death when he tried to answer to her love confession in the Cloister. And now, out of the blue he decided to propose to her? She just wasn’t sure what his intentions were.

“Is it working?” The Doctor asked merrily but the smile left his face when he spotted tears forming in Clara’s eyes.

“Do you do that often?” Clara was almost shouting. “Is that your way to make women who love you keep their mouth shut? You just pop up with an engagement ring and an offer of marriage. Does that promise even mean anything to you or is it just what you do? The end justifies the means and so on. Is that how you treated River and Elisabeth I? Wait, don’t even answer. “

She left him in the pouring rain of questions and walked herself back to the manor. 

Once she was sure she was out of his sight, Clara leant back on one of the tall trees and breathed in heavily. She wasn’t ready to show up in the house just yet, not after what he just did to her. It was quite obvious it was anything but love what made him ask her to marry him today. His ruthless methods to get what he wanted were known to her, but she has not even once thought he would dare to use her love for him against her. He hurt her. He’d made her feel humiliated more than anyone ever had.  All her innermost secrets and desires were displayed in front of her eyes today, so close she could almost touch them. Only to become a mockery. 

A mockery she would never forgive him for. 


	13. Chapter 13

It was still dark outside when the Doctor went down the stairs to the kitchen on the ground floor. With the lights still turned off, he sat on a wooden stool by the decorated windowsill. On the sill sat colourful pots filled with fragrant shrubs of thyme and rosemary, and he looked passed them into the front yard with great care. It was almost 6six in the morning and the car that was supposed to take him to Paris for the meeting with local the UNIT director was about to arrive any minute now. 

He wasn’t particularly happy about having to travel eight hours each way just to meet some pen pushers who didn’t even take the trouble to organise the appointment themselves, but his recent fight with Clara made him see things in a brand new light.

It had been an entire three days since she told him about her plans and they hadn’t had one conversation that didn’t go badly ever since. Hopefully, the trip to Paris would give Clara some time to think everything  through and come to understand his stance. Her concerns were simply unjustified, he thought. There was of course a risk something similar may happen in the future, but was it a good reason to drop everything just now? Certainly not.  The only problem was Clara’s naivety and idealism didn’t allow her to realise it as quickly as he could. 

He was pouring himself a glass of water from a kettle when he noticed a noise coming from the staircase nearby. It wasn’t anything extraordinary, particularly when one had a dog with a very-small-for-its-size bladder. Surely it was only Gulliver who likely thought it was the right time to try and convince his owner to take him for a walk;- the Doctor didn’t even move from his seat. When the creature making the noise approached the kitchen a bit closer, he noticed it must have been using only one pair of limbs for walking. 

“Can we please talk for a moment?” He heard Clara’s voice saying quietly as she entered the kitchen. Of course it must have been her- he murmured under his breath. They spent three days at each other’s throats and now she’d come back to start round number four.

“Did you change your mind?” He hissed from behind a layer of green herbs, still focused on monitoring of the yard in front of the manor. 

“No.” She sighed in resignation. “I didn’t.”

“We have nothing to talk about then.” He took a huge sip of cold water from his glass cup. 

Clara grabbed one of the chairs by the kitchen island and moved it closer to where the Doctor was sitting. 

“I won’t see you until Saturday.  We shouldn’t leave things unexplained.” She reasoned with him kindly.

“What do you want me to say? That I agree and it’s one heck of idea?” He snorted.

Clara lifted her hand and rested it on his knee squeezing it gently. 

“I would love to hear that but we both know it’s not going to happen. Although, I can ask you to consider it, can’t I?”

The Doctor brushed off her hand of his leg and breathed in heavily. 

“I will never agree to that because it’s stupid. You cannot let the first bumpkin that shows up on your way tell you what to do.”

“It’s not stupid to me at all,” she told him. “You’re saying that because you can’t bare that I may leave you, aren’t you?” 

“Because it’s stupid?”

Clara cracked up and leant in on the chair so that her head was almost touching his. 

“Do you even hear yourself? You want me to risk everything just for a few extra years. What happened to the man who was willing to spend his entire life in one tiny town just to save it? That man would agree with me,” she hissed under her breath.

“He met a girl who showed him how wrong he was. She made him realise he’s responsible for not only himself. What happened to that girl he fell in love with, is better question. Because frankly he can’t see her in you at all.”  He blew a raspberry. 

“Oh, he must love her very much then.” Clara pointed out and rose from her seat. “Can you please stop using words which meanings you don’t understand? Besides, if you think you can mousetrap me with your sudden love for me, you’re wrong. Although, I’m surprised you’ve sunk so low, ” she added and left the room.

Her words made him even angrier than he already was if that was possible at all. He just couldn’t bear the thought that he had to prove his feelings for her were true. That said, he dared to say them because he wished they would help to keep her by his side, but it wasn’t the only reason. In the dark corridors of the Cloisters and then when he kneeled in front of her like the biggest moron on Earth he truly meant it. Every word. He loved her so much it frightened him to death. Unfortunately, for her it was all just a trick to manipulate her into changing her mind.

The Doctor was just finishing his glass when the headlights of a car illuminated the driveway. He  hurriedly picked up his luggage from the kitchen floor and went out the main door, leaving the manor and Clara behind for a while. 

  
***

 

The day was about to end as the Doctor finally arrived in Paris. Since it was a bit too late for social meetings, all appointments were planned for tomorrow. Not having anything better to do, he went down to the bar of the hotel in which he was staying and took a seat at a tall bar table. 

He was the only customer sitting at it. The room was almost empty or at least felt as such. Places like that one had one trait in common, people came there to drink, not talk. There were different reasons for each guest’s thirst for alcohol: some of them suffered from homesickness while others tried to come to terms with smaller or bigger failures in their career. And there was a small group of stray dogs like he himself that night. Trying the best they can to lull themselves to sleep. 

The Doctor sat at the table for a long while. He didn’t order anything –just watched people around him moving in time with an effete melody coming from the jazz band that was squeezed onto the corner of the room. The song was called  _ Don’t  _ S _ top  _ M _ e  _ N _ ow _ , he believed. He would recognise its damn notes anywhere. It all seemed a bit ironic, the first time he heard that song Clara and he were about to part. And here it was again, when he was a step from losing Clara again. This time for good, he was afraid. 

“One double whiskey.” 

A tall dark-haired man who had taken a seat on a stool next to him demanded. He knew that man, or at least he had seen him before. The man’s name was Bastian if he remembered correctly. He was a junior scientist at the University of Paris VI and an officer of UNIT. To be exact, a member of the crew the Brig sent to help them. Not very useful in the field operations, but definitely better to get along with than halfwits  carrying guns. 

“Fancy anything, Doctor-,” the man asked him as he repeated to the barman his room’s number. 

The Doctor shook his head slightly and looked down at the bowl with peanuts in front of him. He took few seeds from it and put them into his mouth and to his surprise they weren’t salted at all. 

“Looks like the guy needs to be introduced to the biggest secret of manhood, don’t you think?” He directed his statement to the barman and gestured for him to pour the Doctor a drink. 

“Woman or you’re luckier than most of us?” The barman asked as he passed him a glass of whiskey. The man’s sympathetic eyes fixed on his and somehow made him feel better. Maybe the company of human males could help him? After all, Clara was one of their species so they should know more than anyone else. 

“Women are the worst aren’t they?” The Doctor sighed as he took a sip of cold drink. 

“No need to tell me,” the barman told him and showed him a wedding ring on his finger. “Ten years of so-called family bliss.” 

“But you’re still together, I don’t get your point?” The Doctor noticed.

“I guess he just wanted to prove his experience in the field,-” Bastian explained to him. “I have twelve myself. Well thirty if one counts everything. Nicole and I were friends as children. Then she was seeing her first boyfriend. Guy was a ratbag and left her to her own devices with a ten month old baby. Unluckily for him – now we have twelve years of an amazing marriage, two wonderful boys, fifteen and eight, and third one in the way.”

“Congratulations buddy.” The barman spoke with genuine respect in his voice. “Your little one is in the age of my Audrey. She’s gonna be eight in July.”

Bastian seemed to be happy as he spoke about his family, but the Doctor knew there was one very important fact he was hiding from them. He remembered quite clearly the story he heard in a bakery some time ago. His eight year old son moved to the town from Paris and almost drown in the public swimming pool one April day. The boy spent three weeks in coma, never regaining his strength after the accident. Women in the shop cried over the fact how cheerful child changed into one that spent all days staring into empty space and couldn’t even hold a spoon while being fed. Since the place was the woods chances there were other scientists with son in that age were rather low. 

“So what did or didn’t you do?” The barman continued his gentle interrogation. 

“Clara wants to do one thing. I find it stupid and dangerous, but she can’t be convinced otherwise. The worst is each time we start to discuss her choice it only gets worse. It’s like we can’t talk with each other anymore.” The Doctor mumbled and took another hungry sip of the drink. 

“Oh I get it,-” the men said in unison.

“I don’t think you understand. She has an old habit. It almost killed her once.” The Doctor continued.

“Like extreme sports?” Bastian added with fear etched in his voice. Did he fear he would tell man the truth? That was simply ridiculous. 

“Yes like extreme sports. It almost cost her life that time but we cracked it. She promised, she would take better care of herself, she’s however planning to do it again. I reminded her about what she swore last time, but she’s using it against me. ” The Doctor explained using Bastian’s analogy. 

“Your Clara is one hell of repeater then.” The barman said with serious expression on his face. 

“It looks like it. I just wish she would at least consider what I have to say.” 

The barman nodded his head slightly and poured the Doctor another glass of whiskey. 

“If I can advise you one thing: don’t get involved in her life any more if she does it herself. She already turned you grey, didn’t she?”

“I beg your pardon?” The Doctor choked up. What the man just suggested appeared to be completely abstract.

“What you just said.” The barman pointed out. “You may be against that, but as long as you’re there for her, even a little bit, it’s as if you supported it. She knows you don’t approve of it, but she also knows you won’t do anything to stop her ‘cause you’re afraid she’ll leave. She has absolute control over you. The fact you spend your evening out drinking and talking to strangers is the best proof of that. “

“What do you think?” The Doctor was looking for consolation in Bastian. “You started that crazy conversation after all.”

“I think he may be a little bit right-,” Bastian answered sheepishly. “But we don’t know details.”

The Doctor couldn’t believe in what he just heard. The words were flowing and ringing in his ears, but he couldn’t understand their meaning. How was he supposed to simply pack his stuff and leave Clara after all they have been through together? Did he spend billions of years fighting for her just to let it go? He came here to find a way how to solve their problems, not let them defeat them. 

The Doctor grabbed his drink, drank it to the bottom in one long gulp and rose from the seat. 

“Sorry, but I don’t think you know anything.” He snorted and left the room.

 

***

 

It was almost ten in the morning when the Doctor was doing the last corrections on his look before going for a set appointment at the local UNIT headquarters. 

_ If only Clara was _ here- he thought to himself as he watched his own reflection. Everything seemed pretty good, except for his shirt. Its fabric was horribly wrinkled due to the long journey from Brittany and didn’t want to look any better even after few attempts to iron it. The battle between he and Clara revealed to have more and more severe consequences. If things were fine, she would likely be here with him advising him what to say and how to smile to the bosses he was meeting. And the most important of all, she would definitely not allow him to look like a vagabond when he was about to meet important officials.

He was just leaving the bathroom when he heard a quiet knock on the doors. He approached them and cracked it open slightly. It was Bastian, with whom he was drinking last night in the bar. The man stood nervously in the corridor all dressed up with two cups of coffee in his hands.

“Ready to go-,” he asked. “Sergeant Fortier is meeting us in an hour. She’s a total bitch so I advise you not to be late. By the way, please don’t repeat that last part to her ”

“I won’t, don’t worry,-” the Doctor answered as he closed the doors to the room. “How did it happen that a Chemist and Geneticist ended up in UNIT?” He was trying to start conversation.

“Well, we were still students back then. She was recruited first and recommended me about year later. And here we are. Twenty years in the family.” The man explained as they walked down the narrow corridor and straight to the closest lift. 

“Was it a nice journey?” The Doctor asked when they were already by the machine. “I’m just curious.”

“I’d say so. Plenty of opportunities to travel. They paid for my PhD in the United States, so I don’t regret anything  if you need to know,-” Bastian continued. Suddenly the look on the man’s face changed.  “I know I’m just some guy you met in a bar, but I have an offer for you. It’s related to yesterday’s conversation.”

“Is it?” The Doctor questioned him as they entered the lift.

“Yes, it is. My wife and I plan to sell my dead father’s house. It was too small for our family so we needed to rent another property when he was ill, but now the house is empty. We still didn’t start doing anything to sell it and won’t till next year. I just wanted to say that if things between you and the miss become too hard to bear, feel free to use it. It’s not as nice as the manor you occupy right now;- but just in case you really need it, there is a place to hide.” 

The Doctor didn’t even know what to say. He had just met the guy and yet he was kind enough to take him under his roof and seemed to truly listen and care about his problems. He didn’t know much about him, but he felt the two of them could become a decent friends.  

  
  



	14. Chapter 14

It wasn’t until late the afternoon that the Doctor finally returned to the manor. His excitement and hope had no limits as the car driving him back halted in front of the house which sandstone brick exterior was hidden behind layers of decaying flowers. he couldn’t help but feel his lips curl up into a vast smile.

Those two days were all he needed, he thought to himself, as he realized how much strength he had regained. He wasn’t angry or tired over Clara’s behavior anymore. Far from it. He felt they would make it through, eventually. He just needed to be patient and not let go. Not just yet.

The silver ring he kept in the inner pocket of his coat was still with him. It seemed to get warmer as he approached the creature which he had promised himself he would never leave. He wasn’t like the men he’d met in the bar. He would never let her go. Not now and not ever. He wasn’t singular anymore. They were right- his own people. They were really the Hybrid and every hybrid is a mixture of two elements. He found his other half and he would never voluntarily agree to let anyone take it away from him. Pity was it took him so long to realize it.

All he needed now was to apologize to her. Let her think everything through and make a proper decision on her own. He didn’t need to push her to do it just now. They still had time, didn’t they?

“Can you spare a moment?” Bastian, who sat next to him in the car, asked when he was about to leave the vehicle.- “I have some data I would like you to look at. I’m not quite sure if I got it right.”

“Sure. My room is upstairs if you want some privacy.”

***

“So this is the signal from Brazil. I recorded it on May 10th - a day before you arrived. Well not entirely, about an hour after Clara’s ship landed on Earth it seems. I picked up a meteor shower and elevated level of electromagnetic activity.” Bastian explained to him as he showed the Doctor the colourful scans on the computer screen.

“It’s quite interesting, “the Doctor agreed. “Likely worth checking out. Does UNIT command any local resources to test your hypothesis?”

“It shouldn’t be a problem. No,” the man answered.

“Looks like we may be on the right track.” The Doctor smiled but a part of him died at the thought that this thing with Luas might be solved before he managed to convince Clara. What if she still wouldn’t change her mind by then? It would break his hearts into pieces, if not more.

They were looking at the photos on the screen in silence when the doors to the room opened wide, revealing Clara standing behind them. Before he knew what was going on, she stormed into the room and approached the desk, behind which he was sitting, and shoved it in his direction.

“I can’t believe you freaking did it,” she screamed at the top of her lungs, not caring at all that they weren’t alone in the room.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” Bastian muttered to the Doctor and gave him an apologetic smile. He had never noticed it, since he was never truly involved romantically with one of human kind, but all males of this species seemed to belong to an unwritten society whose major aim was support and training in interaction with the fairer sex, and it looked like he belonged to it now.

Once the door closed, Clara’s eyes fixed back on his face, almost burning a hole in his forehead with the anger he noticed it them.

“How dare you manipulate Ashildr to block my access to the Tardis!?”

“I didn’t,” he tried to reason with her. “I told her what you’re up to, but everything else was her idea. It looks like I’m not the only one who thinks you shouldn’t go,” he said with a smile on his face. At least she wouldn’t be able to do anything stupid now.

“You’re gonna talk to her and make her change her mind-“ Clara said through her clenched teeth.

“I can try, but I doubt she’ll change her mind.”

Clara raised her eyebrow and chuckled a little.

“Speaking is your strong point, you’ll figure something out.”

“And what if I don’t want to?” He dumped the acid on her. Finally it was he who had advantage over her and he wasn’t keen to let it go easily.

“Let me explain something to you. This is my life and my choice. I considered your opinion but I don’t agree with it. You may not like my decision and I respect that, but it’s mine and only my right to make it. You get it?”  She snorted.

Hearing her say it- pushed him further over the edge than he’d ever been before. He just couldn’t bear it – the ease and carelessness with which she was telling him about the future destruction of the most important thing he had in his life. They were in exactly opposite situation once.

That day when they had arrived to the Drum and she had seen his ghost. She begged him to come back and he did. He couldn’t make it to her - leave her when she was so vulnerable in front of him. And yet now when it was her turn to return the favor, she didn’t think about anyone but herself.

“You had that right but you lost it the moment you let the Raven mark you. You would not be here if not for someone who’d spent years trying to get you out and trying to understand how one could be so stupid. From now on it’s me who reigns, because apparently you can’t.” He shouted, but his voice quieted with every word he was saying.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to-“ he gasped when he realized what had just left his lips; but it was too late. The pair of brown eyes he cherished so much were already filling up with fresh tears.

“At least I know what you think of me.” She whisperedwith her voice caught in her throat.  In a flash, she’d already made her way out the door.

 

***

Later that afternoon, or in the evening since the sun was already disappearing behind the horizon, the Doctor was walking down a sandy beach throwing a plastic ball for Gully to fetch from the water. He couldn’t tell how long he had been there already and, frankly, he didn’t care. He felt ashamed and disappointed in himself as he’d never had before. All the hope he’d brought with him from Paris was lost. He should have never said any of that. He didn’t even believe any of it to start with. In his eyes she was the most perfect creature ever, but it still hadn’t kept him from humiliating her in the most vicious way possible.

He wandered off down the empty beach and thought about everything that had happened lately. About the choice someone he cared most in the world had made and that it was something he had to understand, if not accept. The methods they chose weren’t working- he was quite sure of that now. Or should he call indignity of the beloved woman a victory? He hated to admit it but maybe Bastian was right after all.

 

***

“Bastian you have a guest,” Nicole, Bastian’s wife, whispered to the man who’d  just finished reading a chapter of _The Jungle Book_ to his eight-year-old son. The book, which always kept the boy’s interest, now seemed to disappear in the silence and did nothing to even slightly  warm the coldness of the boy’s look.

“Sorry Oscar, dad has to go. Mommy will read to you more, okay?” He said to the motionless boy as he approached his wife, “Is it-“ he started and broke mid-sentence when his spouse nodded.

Bastian walked down the dark wooden staircase and headed to the living room. He spotted the Doctor sitting on the brown leather sofa by the window with a mug of fresh tea in his hand.

“Sorry, I was reading to my little boy,” he apologized to the man and stretched his still tired limbs after the long drive he’d made.

“Is your boy the child from the swimming pool,-” the Doctor blurted.

“Yes, it’s him.” Admitting his son was currently handicapped wasn’t easy. “I see Nicole got you tea, but would you like anything else?”

“What do you suggest?”

 

***

 

Clara just couldn’t understand how it had happened. He offended her and to top it off he headed for the hills to avoid the consequences of his words. And yet, somehow, it was her who was worried sick about his well-being and not the other way around. It was almost midnight and he still wasn’t back home.

It wasn’t new- his running away when things were getting too heavy to bear, but not bothering to even call her and tell her he was fine was driving her insane. He was so immature sometimes, she swore under her breath as she watched the darkness of the front yard with the hope to notice some sort of activity soon.

At first his words had hurt, she would be crazy if they hadn’t. But she knew why he said them in the first place. He was angry and desperate to make her stay. Frankly, she was willing to forgive him already. Maybe not straight away, but eventually she would. But again, he chose escape. The only consolation she had was that Gully was with him.

She sat at the table in silence and watched the driveway when the reflectors of the car finally illuminated it.

 _He’s back-_ she whispered under her breath in relief.

Hurriedly, she prepared to collect herself and her thoughts and head to the main door, but changed her mind and stayed in the room to at least create the semblance he was in big trouble.

“Where the hell have you been,” she demanded when she heard his steps in the hallway. In the end, she yielded and followed him. He was sitting on a bench by the stairs, remorseful and sheepish like a stray dog. “It’s past midnight, you idiot.”

“Sorry, I didn’t have a phone with me,” he explained miserably.

“Don’t apologize. Take a bath and meet me tomorrow morning. There’s a talk ahead of us.” Clara answered as she was about to go upstairs to her room.

“Actually, I have different plans,” the Doctor whispered as if he was afraid of the words he was about to say. “I wanted to apologize for what I told you earlier. I want you to know I don’t think any of that and I won’t be in your way if that’s what you want. I’ll talk to Ashildr and try to convince her if I can. And the last thing, I spoke to Bastian. He was thinking about renting his father’s cottage and I was first to make an offer-“

“Can we talk about it tomorrow? It’s been a long day,” Clara asked him.

“I don’t think you understand. I’m here for my stuff. Bastian is driving me there tonight,” he continued. His eyes were getting unnaturally red and glassy as he progressed. “I think that’s for the best. You’re my best friend, Clara. The best one I’ve ever had. If this is really our end, I don’t want to remember _you_ in this way: knowing that we spent our last moments fighting. The problem is I’m not sure I can do that if we live under the same roof. It’s not working.”

“I’m sorry,” Clara rasped. Now when he finally agreed it didn’t feel like a victory at all. She wanted him by her side, not in a cottage miles away.

“Me too. If you ever need me-“he said calmly as he slipped a pair of silver keys in her hand. “It’s one of the cottages next to the church. Number nine to be exact.”

“What about Gulliver,-” she pointed out. Not many landlords consider tenants with pets these days.

“Bastian is fine with him. It even seems he makes his son more active. Little chap smiled and hugged him when we visited them tonight.”

“I’ll be in my room. I’m not going to keep you from doing it. You sure you really need to?”

He didn’t say anything in return but gave her a sad smile. So this was really it. He was leaving.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. I promise the dark times are ending.


	15. Chapter 15

The world had been slowly waking up when Bastian’s car stopped in front of the cottage that was supposed to be the Doctor’s home from now on. Reluctantly, the Doctor opened the car door and put his feet on the ground.

The idea of moving out hadn’t appealed to him even for a moment, but now when the cold morning air touched  his skin, he was desperate to turn around and go back to the warmth of the manor and Clara.

Deep down however, he knew he had no choice.

With each day they had gotten closer to a  line neither of them should cross. He had almost crossed it last afternoon. It was out of anger, he tried to convince himself, nonetheless even this excuse didn’t help him to feel any better. He needed a change. They both needed it.

So he waited in silence for Bastian to open the car trunk. Once the luggage rested next to his feet, he shook the man’s hand in the universal sign of gratefulness, then grabbed the heavy suitcases and started to head off in direction of the main door.

He stopped for a moment in front of the open doors almost paralysed.

As the coldness of the place struck him, his courage left him again that night.

For a while, he stared miserably at the hallway sinking in the dark. The dancing shadow of a tree on one of the walls seemed to shyly invite him inside, but he didn’t dare to. The way between the threshold and the rest of the house was guarded by stairs seemingly  looking at him contemptuously.

After a minute or two, he ignored the stoic warden and carefully took the first step.

Before long, he was in the safe living room warming up by the light of a telly as he sat on a red cotton couch with remote control in his hand. He couldn’t find anything other than television news, but he didn’t mind it much. A nicely dressed anchorwoman was talking to him from the screen and it was all that mattered.

 

-Two weeks later-

 

The morning of June 1st was an unusual day for the Doctor. That morning he got himself ready to go to an important meeting with representatives of the Brazilian Ministry of Defence. The organization  that was about the access the site where the Luas resided. Yes- resided. They had finally tracked them down.

The milestone had come two weeks ago when Nicole, Bastian’s wife, shared with him the weird readings the devices in her clinic in Marabá, Brazil recorded. It took less than a week to confirm it was indeed the Luas; yet almost eight days later they were still in France and not even sure when they would start working on capturing them. And it was all because of one person – Mr. Juan Santos, the Minister of Defence who considered UNIT a threat and didn’t want to allow their mission on the territory of Brazil.  

Despite the fuss around the visit of official it was a rather peaceful, if not lazy, morning. Just like every other day, he started it with a bowl of cereal in front of the television in the living room. Luckily for him, the owner and his wife hadn’t seen his feet on the coffee table or the crumbs from meals stuck in every corner of the sofa. He would be dead if they did.

It was half past eight when he was finally ready to go. They didn’t need to drive him everywhere as they had at the beginning of his stay in France. Of course they were always willing to do so and even insisted upon him to agree, but he never let them. Ever since he moved to the cottage, he was always his own chauffeur, driving around the town in a nice Talbot Avenger.

The clock in the car showed nine in the morning when he arrived to the headquarters of UNIT in Brest. He didn’t mind Paris, but it was nice that for a change they chose a place that was suitable for him. Hurriedly, he reached for a briefcase lying on the passenger seat and left the car.

Bastian was already there when he approached the building. He stood before the entrance, smoking a cigarette with pure contentment etched on his face.

“Shouldn’t you be terrified or something?” The Doctor asked sarcastically as he stopped next to the man.

“I was before. Now I’m trying not to screw everything up. Can’t believe local government doesn’t want to let us in,” Bastian said and passed the Doctor the box with cigarettes inside. “Have you told her already?” The Doctor shook his head.

“Don’t want to nag, but you really should. This thing with the Brazilian government can be sorted out anytime now. Give her some time to prepare for the possibility that you don’t have much time left,” Bastian said with a note of concern in his voice.

“I haven’t heard a word from her in almost two weeks. I doubt she wants to have anything to do with me in the first place,” the Doctor snorted as they entered the building.

The room in which the meeting was organised appeared very cold to the Doctor when they first went inside. Blue-painted walls were decorated here and there with black and white photographs that didn’t help to warm up the room even a bit.

“Can we start now that everyone is here?” Brig asked the officials seating by his both sides. The Doctor couldn’t express how happy he was to have his old friend with him today – the only familiar face in the crowd. There was, of course, Bastian, but the man’s actions were only making him more scared than he already was.

The Doctor stood in the corner of the room and watched Bastian set up their shared presentation. It took a while before his trembling hands finally found the right buttons, but they did.

“On May 11th some  unexplainable activity in the Amazonian jungle was  observed.” The man started a story that the Doctor had heard a hundred times over the last few days. They had it practiced well and nothing could go wrong.

“Changes in the electromagnetic field and rises in temperature were recorded by devices around the globe. Our experts first suggested these anomalies could have been caused by the landing of alien ships. Then agents working in the field in the area took these photos,” he said showing pictures of strange looking creatures.

“Very interesting. But can’t our soldiers check it first,” a man, who the Doctor thought was the Minister of Defence, said.

“No, because you have no idea what you’re dealing with,” the Doctor explained calmly to the man, in spirit hoping that the pudding brain in front of him would stop his silly questions. “As my friends from UNIT explained to you, those creatures are technically immortal. Hurting them will only make them look for  prey to regain lost energy. You need professionals.”

 “My soldiers know these woods like no one else. They are fearless and strong. Tell me why should I leave it to you?”

“Well, Mr Santos, I thought you and me were on the same side:  making the world safer and better place,” he answered.

“A better place you say? How is it going to help if you want me to allow the penetration of a foreign army into the territory I’m responsible for?”

“It’s only a few people. You need our help,” the Doctor said through clenched teeth. “Those creatures are very dangerous.”

“I doubt they are. They’ve been in Brazil for about three weeks now and haven’t attacked anyone yet.  I have a strange feeling there is something you don’t want to mention. ”

“It’s going to happen if you won’t let us help,” Bastian pointed out.

Hearing his words, the man only chuckled.

“Do we own some sort of treasure you want to get your hands on?”

“I assure you the threat is real,” the Brig supported them.

“Is it? Some readings from devices that haven’t been validated by anyone other than you. And all these fancy photos. People take photos of mermaids and yeti each day, still I don’t believe in them. You claim that they’re dangerous, but how can I know they’re there in the first place?”

“According to our knowledge-“Bastian started but was brutally cut off.

“As you said to your knowledge. Yours- not mine,” the man said coldly and took a loud sip of his coffee.

The Doctor had to bite his tongue each time the man was about to speak again. He had thought he had seen everything, but the level of ignorance this man showed was driving him insane.

“It’s not just us. Governments of the United Kingdom and France are aware of their activity too,” he answered as calmly as he could.

“As far as I recall, the Brigadier is a representative of the British government, isn’t he?” The guest asked and the Brig nodded. “It’s quite convenient. Great Britain and France, and representatives of both countries are here today. It’s a terrific coincidence I must admit.” The man was digging further and the Doctor only sighed. Any argument they had prepared for today was questioned without trouble.

Anger boiled in his veins and with every minute it was becoming more and more unbearable to be ignored.

“Go, go back to your home. Be killed, or worse send others to death and carry that pain for the rest of your life,” the Doctor rasped. “Maybe we indeed lied. Maybe there is not threat. But what if we didn’t and you ignored our warning? Would you be able to look in the mirror, knowing you could have done something but didn’t?”

“I’m the only person who was able to beat those creatures, but why would you trust me? Maybe there is no threat at all,’ he directed to the man and left the room.

 

***

 

Later that day, when the sun was already disappearing behind the horizon the phone in the Doctor’s house rang.

He got himself up from his seat in front of the telly and went to the hallway where the device hung from the wall. He took the phone from the hook and listened.

 “Santos agreed; we’re flying to Brazil the day after tomorrow. You, me, and four other people,” Bastian’s intoned over the phone.


	16. Chapter 16

“Earth to Clara. Can you please pass me the juice?” 

Clara heard Ashildr complain as they had their breakfast at the patio. Despite it being early morning, the sun shone already intensively and decorated the world around with the colours of summertime. 

The farmhouse looked better than ever now surrounded from every side with rows of flowers in every colour she could think of. Botany was never her cup of tea but even her amateur eye could easily spot at least ten different types. There were tall lupins, red as blood zinnias and majestic lilies. Her favourite, however, was a modest willow guarded by a halo of lilies of the valley. 

Everything forecasted a lovely summer day, and yet she couldn't enjoy her surroundings at all. Today was two weeks since the Doctor had left her. 

She had fourteen long days to figure out how to bring him back but her stubborn mind hadn’t been eager to collaborate. Nor was she sure she should even try.

After all, he had given her what she wanted. She demanded him to get off her back and so he had. Changing her mind now when he was finally keen to accept her choice wasn’t wise. Far from it, it was utterly stupid.

“I know it's hard, but I hope you knew it was coming?” Her friend asked and Clara nodded. It surprised her how easily the other woman could read her mind. Or was it that obvious? 

She knew her companion was right, yet she couldn’t help but grieve. He was the love of her life. They knew each other for so long she couldn't remember her life without him in it. For almost a century, she had thought she lost him and now when she finally had a chance to have him back, she needed to dismiss it. 

“Anyways, it will only get easier, I promise. He called when you were taking a shower yesterday. Looks like there was a breakthrough in Brazil. He’s flying there tomorrow morning. If everything goes according to plan, we'll be free to go in the next three weeks. If not earlier,” her friend added.

“Is he sure?” Clara cried out, her despair easy to spot even to herself. Out of the blue, his moving out wasn't the most alarming thing on the list. She had thought they had time, but what if they didn’t?

Ashildr gave her a long speech based on everything she heard from him and likely massively overdone with her own suggestions, but she wasn't listening to her words at all. Her thought were far from the here and now, focused entirely on one simple question- should she pay him a visit?

 

***

 

It was already dark outside when Clara arrived to the cottage hopeful to find the Doctor there. She was ready to go straight after breakfast, but needed to wait till Ashildr found herself something to do. She didn’t, so she had to use Plan B – wait until she fell asleep. After all, there was only one way to make the situation even more complicated and it involved telling her companion all about everything. 

She liked Ashildr. They grew quite close over all these years. It wasn’t an instant friendship, far from it. She couldn’t bear her for long months, but then with time, she grew accustomed to her and her habits. It had been the only person she had, so likely it had tipped the scales. They might have known each other inside out, yet there were things or, rather one thing, she had kept for herself. And that thing was everything concerning the Doctor. Her companion had absolutely no knowledge about the nature of the relationship between them, and she didn’t have the slightest interest to change that  now.

Speaking of whom, his new home even appealed to her a little. She hated the fact  that he had left, but she couldn't deny the place was lovely. He was now occupying a semi-detached cottage built from sandstone with bushes of sunflowers at the front and nickel Georgian bars in each of windows. The property wasn’t big, yet its charm was undeniable. If she was to choose a place to live, she would definitely pick something similar.

Looking at the red-painted door, her first doubts had woken up in her. They reached a stalemate. What if her visit here would only make it worse? She waited in the car for a moment, just staring aimlessly at the front door of his house and sighed heavily. 

Finally after few longer breathes, she pulled herself together and left the vehicle. 

The outside smelled even better than it looked, she thought to herself as the combination of evening scents almost made her dizzy. It was much better than the countryside. She couldn't see any bakery but she swore one was nearby, filling up her lungs with the sweet smell of freshly baked goods. There was also the scent of the sea, chilling the air with its cold salty breeze. 

She slowly walked down the pathway and reached his doorway. Her hand reached the doorbell and pushed the button a few times unearthing a metallic sound of rarely used mechanism. 

She waited for a moment and released a sigh of relief when nobody answered it. She was about to turn on her feet and leave when a thought passed her mind. She put her hand in the pocket and retrieved the key he gave her that night, two weeks ago. 

Slowly, she inserted it in the lock and the doors cracked open.

The interior of the house, appalled rather than astonished her. It wasn’t even due, by a long shot,to the old-fashioned look it had. All the furniture and ornaments were well-maintained. It was the mess the Doctor had left after himself. 

The entire kitchen was buried under a thick layer of dirty dishes and the empty packings of ready-made meals. Her friend also hadn’t seemed to hear about something called a mop since the floor was covered with stains in all colours of the rainbow. 

The living room didn’t look any better. Now the room appeared to serve as a bedroom and dining room in one, she concluded when she spotted a pillow and blanket tossed next to the sofa. 

Was he that busy? Or did having the Tardis completely brainwash his mind when it came to basic rules of hygiene? And how did he not feel ashamed leaving someone else’s house like this? 

Not thinking much, she put her purse and jacket aside and sat on the sofa, careful not to smudge her clothes with leftovers of spaghetti lying all over the leather seat. Talk about the Luas could wait, now she needed to make sure he made the house clean and tidy.


	17. Chapter 17

The sky was already changing its colour to light blue when the Doctor left the office and headed back to the cottage. He was never a fan of drowning sorrows in work, but today tore him apart. 

First, they accelerated his trip to Brazil and then, to make things even worse, he realised Clara really had moved on. She would have contacted him if there was still chance for them,; he walked down the empty street and contemplated.

The distance between two buildings which normally took minutes to cover seemed to take only seconds  that night . Nothing extraordinary really. It happened to him before, always when there was something he wanted to avoid. Also likely was that night it was simply his mind, not eager to step the threshold of cold household again. 

He took the key from the pocket of his trousers and put it in the keyhole. The doors cracked and opened before his eyes. 

To his surprise the house wasn’t empty. A dim light of telly coming from the living room slightly illuminated  the hallway through partly opened doors. He had guests.

After a moment, he pushed this thought aside. Most certainly, it was his own imaginations playing jokes on him all over again.  It wouldn’t have been the first time when he forgot to turn the machine off before leaving the house. 

Not interested in checking straight away, he took off his coat and hung it in the wooden closet in the hall. His hearts almost froze when he spotted a shadow standing in the doorway that was slowly moving in his direction. 

He couldn’t see much at first due to the dark, but he could tell the creature was neither tall nor strongly build and looked very much like Clara. He wasn’t sure why she paid him a visit that night, but he hoped her motives were similar to those which made him want to do exactly the same entire evening. 

Seeing him, she stopped and leaned back on the wall. 

“Hello. You used the key I gave you.,” He choked out a friendly when initial shock had subsided. His hand reached for the switch and the darkness covering them disappeared. 

She wasn’t crying but she certainly wasn’t happy either, he noticed when he finally had a chance to take a good look at her. 

“So this is really it?” she asked and he nodded. 

“It’s good, right? We’ll capture them, save the Earth. It’s good,’ she continued with her voice more and more rushed with every word leaving her mouth.

“It is.” 

“Good,” she blurted, her hands busy with tugging the sleeves of her jumper. For the entire time her eyes didn’t meet his even for a second.  “I’ll be going. You have a flight tomorrow. You should get some rest,” She mumbled under her breath and made a step in direction of the exit.

He chuckled a little. 

“Is that why you came here?” he asked bluntly. “To speak about weather?”

“Look, I don’t know why I came here,” she answered back. For the first time her eyes met his as she  weighe d every word of the sentence. “Just forget I ever did and please clean this dog’s breakfast. It’s disgusting, ” she added shaking her head.

Paralysed, he tracked her silhouette in its way to the doors. 

“Clara, can you wait for a second?” He forced himself to speak with the last of his energy. “Please, there’s a great chance I will never see you again. You can’t take it away from me. Please, just a moment.”

Hearing his plea, she stopped for a moment and sighed heavily. 

“One minute,” she warned him.

For a moment he remained quiet, twin hearts in his chest almost forcing their way out as he mulled over what to tell her. 

“What I did the other day in the forest. I wasn’t trying to manipulate you into anything. I really meant it,” he said with trembling voice. 

He could feel the blood bubble and boil in his veins as he got closer to the conclusion. 

“I won’t ask you to stay with me again, we discussed it already. I just want you to know that- “ He tried to say those three words but his voice died away in his throat. But what better was he expecting? 

“I love you,” he finally choked up, almost suffocating himself in the process.

 

With difficulty, Clara tried to fight tears pouring from her eyes the entire way from the Doctor’s house to her car. She knew how hard goodbyes could be, but she had not once surmised it would cost her so much to leave his side that evening. And it was all because of three simple words. 

She had suspected coming over to his place was a bad idea all along. In movies it never ended well, visiting a man you were in love with and you couldn’t be with. It was a bit like that with them. He and his love were all she needed to be happy. And today he let her in. 

There was a promise she hoped to hear from him for years and which she knew would never be hers. But here he was, giving himself to her and she had to reject him. 

She got in the car and hurriedly closed the door after herself. Now in privacy, a stream of tears could finally rinse her cheeks. The car was parked in a way so that she couldn’t be seen from the Doctor’s flat, so luckily for her he couldn’t see her melt down. She could not bear explaining to him why she needed to leave if it broke her heart. Even if it was exactly what was happening. 

Her silent weeping turned into a proper blubber when she realised he could be right and that was indeed the last time they would have ever seen each other. This could really been their farewell and all she had done was stand with her back turned to him, not brave enough to even look him in the eye as he had opened his hearts in front of her. He deserved more. They both deserved more.

She got herself up from her seat and left the car. There was no great plan what to do next in her mind. All she knew was that she wanted to find herself in the Doctor’s arms and preferably never leave them again. If only that was that easy.

She didn’t even know how and when she got to the main doors and managed to ring the doorbell, but she did and before any rational thought formed in her mind she was pressed against the Doctor’s chest and kissing him as if her life depended on it. 

“What’s wrong?” He rasped in confusion once their lips parted, his lips red and bulging from a just finished caress. Seeing her all  shaken and distraught, he wrapped his arms around her thin frame and pulled her slowly inside, closing the doors to the house after them. 


End file.
